Caged

[Twelve]

Once again, I was stuck on a crowded, smelly bus. I tried my best to take the smallest breaths possible without passing out, to prevent breathing in the horrid smelling air. The windows on this bus could not be opened, besides the drivers window, and the air conditioning was not turned on. With the lack of fresh air from outside, and the heat causing the other passengers to sweat, the atmosphere was horrible and I could not wait to get off.

Only fifteen minutes till I could. I just prayed that the traffic would continue to be light and that the traffic lights were kind to me tonight. I was becoming light headed due to not getting enough air into my lungs, but I'd rather pass out than breath in the awful stench.

I kept my bag sitting on the seat beside me. That way there was less of a chance that some stranger would decide to sit next to me. No matter how many times I've had to ride the bus in my life time, I never get used to it. The smell, the noise, the fact that sometimes the bus drivers aren't all that caring or safe with their driving, and the fact that a whole lot of weirdo's seem to catch the bus. I don't think I will ever get used to it.

On the bus tonight, there was a homeless looking man who was having a conversation with an invisible being, a small family with very young children who had decided it would be fun to run up and down the aisle and try not to fall over when the driver slammed on the breaks or took a turn too sharply, screaming the whole time.

I tried my best to ignore everyone around me and zone out, but still pay attention to where the bus was so that I didn't miss my stop. The town blurred past the window as the driver sped down the streets. The houses all looking like they were connected and my mind going dizzy at the speed they blurred past. 

I had brought the worn out Harry Potter book that I had borrowed from the local library a few weeks ago, knowing that I would need a distraction, but I didn't bother reading it. I was too on edge and my stop would be coming up any time now. No matter how much I wanted to read it, I had to resist. 

I was finally able to step off the bus and into the fresh air, well, the polluted fresh air anyway. The fresh air was not only a relief, but it was also a big slap in the face. It cleared my mind and made room for thoughts and worries that I didn't really wish to have right at this moment.

I was so ridden with panic that tonight would be a repeat of my 'date' with Micah a few weeks ago. That had been a disaster and a huge embarrassment. Tonight I didn't even bother to dress up any more than I would have if I was going for a walk with Jax. 

It had cooled down significantly compared to earlier in the day and the cool night time breeze allowed me to wear my loose fitting, and faded black jeans, a white t-shirt with sleeves that reached my elbows, and my pair of Superman high tops that Jax had bought me as a gift a while back. Yes I secretly had a thing for Superman. At least Jace would get a kick out of those. 

There were a few reasons that made me choose the most casual outfit I could reasonably wear tonight. The first being the fact that this wasn't a date, so I didn't see why I should dress like it was. Secondly, I didn't want to get all dressed up like I had with Micah and be completely embarrassed again. I mean, no one would think I got stood up if I was sitting in a cafe in jeans and a plain t-shirt, they would think I just came alone anyway. 

The third was probably the one that annoyed me the most. I didn't feel confident enough with myself to get dressed up. I had no idea what kind of dresses or skirts complimented my figure. I wasn't the thinnest girl around, and I really had no idea how to use make-up properly. I probably looked incredibly plain compared to everyone else that was wandering around town tonight.

I was so afraid of being stood up and being left alone, that I'd brought reinforcements in my small bag just in case he ditched or forgot. It was all basic stuff that would make me look busy, and wouldn't look out of place in a cafe.