Hayes (A Carolina Cyclones Story)

30.

Maggie

I feel like I have a whole new insight to who Hayes Hansen is. When I first met him, after dousing him with a drink in Malcolm's, I'd thought he was an uptight, egotistical jerk-face. Now when I look at him, I see nothing but a scared little boy who's trauma never let him escape his fears.

Previously, I'd found it hard to understand why he had to do things in an exact order, in an exact way, but now I realize it was just his way of enduring. It makes me sad that he's spent over half his life in survival mode and that his own father is the reason behind it. The fixer in me wants to make things better for him but I also rationally understand that this kind of thing isn't something you can just snap your fingers and make go away. I hope for Hayes' sake though, that one day we can truly set him free from his past.

That's what I'm thinking about on the Uber ride back to my apartment after I've dropped Hayes and his car back at his house, depositing him on the couch, where he promised to stay, until I was able to run home and take care of a few things before heading back to his place.

Maybe I should have hesitancies about the way I'm slipping into his home and life but I just can't bring myself to. Hayes is a good man. The kind who are a rare breed these days and I just can't bring myself to look for flaws in him or in our relationship. Especially when at least so far, there don't seem to be any.

"Hey stranger!" I hear Rachel call out from somewhere down the hall, I slip through the apartment towards her voice. "Should I start looking for a new roommate now or are you here to tell me I'll be seeing you around here again?"

"Hah-hah." I roll my eyes and allow my voice to drip with sarcasm. "Hayes needs me with the concussion and all. Plus, it's only been a few nights."

"Yeah, but after being used to you vegging out on the couch all the time it's been a little weird."

"But aren't you enjoying the privacy? Maybe you'll find someone to keep you warm at night now." I say with raised eyebrows and a teasing lilt.

"Hardly. With the bar still so short staffed I barely have time to breathe. But I'm happy for you! Even if it means I'll have no one to watch The Bachelor with when it starts back up."

"Who knows, maybe Hayes will kick me to the curb by then." I joke but quickly knock on the wood desk to my right so as not to tempt fate.

"I doubt it. That boy has stars in his eyes when he looks at you."

At that I just smile, waving as I head to my own room to pack a bag and head back to the very man we speak of. When I've filled a duffle with a few changes of clothes and some toiletries I head back in the direction I came.

"I get that you're short staffed, but when Hayes gets better I'm going to need you to figure something out and go to the games with me."

"Aw, look at you, already such a devoted girlfriend."

"Yeah, well, he needs someone in his corner." I sigh. "I'm headed back out, sorry I can't stay. We should do something soon, though."

"I agree, but with the state of staffing I can't make any promises." She yells out to me as I head for the door.

"Don't make me kidnap you!"

*

When I make it back to Hayes house, after a quick stop at the arena to drop a few supplies by my workspace, I find him asleep where I'd left him. His arms are crossed protectively across his chest and soft snores filter out of his mouth. I do my best to move silently through his house, dropping my bag in his bedroom where I've taken up residence and then venturing towards the kitchen when my stomach rumbles and I realize I never ate lunch.

I've just pulled a few things from the cabinet when the doorbell chimes. I swear under my breath and then do my best to run quietly to the front door in hopes of letting Hayes rest. That plan goes to shit when I open the door and Jax storms in, just about knocking me over as he bellows out, "Hansen how ya feeling?"

It takes him a minute after his obnoxious entrance to realize that I am not Hayes and in that time I deduce that he is in fact drunk, at three PM.

I hear scuttling in the living room and breathe out an annoyed sigh that Hayes was woken up. Rest is so important for him right now. That's mostly why my next words aimed at Jax come out so harsh.

"What the fuck are you doing? He's sleeping!" It comes out in a whisper yell and I stamp my foot not caring one bit that it probably makes me look like a tantruming toddler.

"Doesn't look like he's sleeping." He says in a smug voice as he points to the space behind me where an exhausted looking Hayes now stands, rubbing at his eyes.

"Hard to sleep with your loud ass." He mumbles and I hold my hand out in a gesture that says see. Jax however, seems to miss the irritation coming in waves off of both me and Hayes.

"Well you shouldn't be sleeping anyways. Daylight is burning. So hey, do you wanna come out with me tonight? I got a few bunnies lined up at that hotel that lets you pay by the hour and I thought it might cheer you up to get some ass."

I stand there, stunned stupid as Hayes practically chokes beside me both of us clearly lost on what to say to Jax.

"Faulkner how fucked up are you?" Hayes finally asks, taking a step closer to his teammate as if that'll magically reveal the level of inebriation it takes to reach this level of cluelessness.

"I've had a few." Jax shrugs. He's so nonchalant about it, like he's clearly used to lying about his consumption and immediately my annoyance fades to something more like pity. I knew from Hayes stories that Jax had some issues, but this is just pathetic.

"Look Jax, I don't want to go with you to some sketchy ass hotel. I've got a concussion, remember? That's why I can't play tomorrow. Not to mention my girlfriend is literally right here." Jax's eyes scan over to me and it's like a dawn of recognition crosses his face, like he's just realized I'm here, even though he practically tumbled over me and spoke to me earlier. "If you don't get your shit together you're gonna wind up on the bench. I'm trying to look out for you man, but this shit...Jax it's getting really fucking old."

I watch the subtle way that Hayes leans forward, grabbing the car keys I hadn't noticed on the entryway table. Jax must've sat them there when he first walked in. He slides them into his own pocket and Jax appears none the wiser.

"Look, I came here to try to make you feel better because your head's fucked up, not to be arrested by the fun police. I'll see you tomorrow." He spins on his heels, nearly falling over until he grabs the doorframe and is able to steady himself. We watch from the door as he walks towards his truck that's haphazardly parked on the concrete slab. He pats at his pocket and seems to realize finally that he doesn't have his keys. The realization strikes him and he shoots a finger towards the house.

"I called you an Uber man. Go home!" Hayes yells out and Jax's reply is something along the lines of 'fuck you.' We watch for a while longer though and when the car pulls up he slings himself inside.

"You think he'll actually go home?" I ask.

"If he knows what's good for him he will." Hayes mumbles, his shoulders sagging.

"You know he's a grown man right? His decisions aren't on you."

"I know, babe. That doesn't mean they don't hurt me. I care about him. He's my teammate, my brother. And I think he's got something going on that he won't talk about. I think that's the whole precipice of this acting out thing of his. I just wish he'd face whatever it is instead of self-destructing like this. I'm worried he might take the team down as collateral. And that...that would be on me. Because when Coach asked about him I stood up for him. At the time I thought I was being a good friend, now I think I may have just enabled his self destruction."