he didnt kiss me. his role kissed my role. it means nothing, right?!
___________
"why are you avoiding me now?!"
he titls his head.
"i am not!"
"was it because i kissed you..."
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i am sitting on my chair right before my desk playing with a pen and thinking of what i should do.
i shouldnt go, right?!
should i?
is he waiting for me to go? is he secretly hoping for it?!
i said no the last two times. i dont wanna turn him down again. i... i think i want to go.
i cant stop thinking about it.
but... why am i still here, not moving and playing with a pen like a complete idiot.
are they still at the dinner?! should i just call vernon and discreetly learn some information.
i wish i knew what to do.
i... i think i want to see seungkwan. should...i? should i go there? no! i shouldn't! i'll stay here and focus on my script!
i said no to chan because of that script today! i should stick to my words and decline the invitation to go out. its not that hard. i always decline to go out! right...?
"yeah! thats what i'll do!" i smile and bring the script closer.
"fuck it!" i get up, after realizing i can no longer concentrate because of this idiot. why did he have to ruin my life again. Why cant I stop thinking about him. Sarang concentrate!
but... he treats me so nice... i cant get him off my mind.
for god's sake.
i'll just drop by to say hi. whats wrong with that? its not like i am confessing eternal love? just a hi, and then i'll come right back to finish the script. then everyone will be happy.
now where is that dress kwan bought for me! i... i want to wear it tonight.
not that it means anything!
i'll just wear an ordinary (elegant) dress, and pass by a single diner (a sagnificant one) to say a single hi (who am i even kidding?)
i must be going nuts? and where the fuck is that dress?
as soon as i find it, i get undress and immediately wear it. it hugs my body so gently and gracefully. i look at the mirror with a smile.
not bad.
i never knew i could like a dress that much. i never thought i would feel this way when i touch a single surface of fabric. somehow it makes me happy.
what shoes should i wear? usually i avoid any shoe standing against my convenience. yet this time i felt those black heals pulling me like a magnet.
I had to wear them. I had no choice.
i kinda felt weird but this time it didnt feel unfamiliar like i thought it would. it was me - just, with different clothes. and it felt right.
make up is still not my think so i barely placed some foundation on, a thin layer pf Mascara, some lip gloss and thats it.
