Arcadian

The comment

The new girl, Harper followed us around all morning like a lost puppy.

At first it was annoying, having all the attention on us as we walked through the school with the first girl at Oakwood hall but after spending ten minutes with her I realised that it's impossible to dislike her.

She's just so cute. Whenever anyone would stop us and often rudely ask why she was staying with us she would just kindly explain the situation and tell them to have a nice day.

She's better than me, after the second person I would just start telling people to piss off.

We went to the canteen first to grab a snack to take with us to the turf. It wasn't as busy as it usually is on weekdays, most people are still in bed but Harper still stuck firmly to our side, never wondering off by herself.

I grabbed a cheese toastie, a croissant and a bag of walkers while Harper only picked up a small baggie of apple slices. We all took our food and headed to our signature spot, a grass hill with a huge tree planted on top that overlooks the pond. Nobody dares to sit up there because they all know it's ours.

We flop down on the floor and chat for a few minutes. Harper told us a couple facts about herself like how she's from Cornwall and how she has a dangerous obsession with The Sims.

We all rolled our eyes when we heard this, knowing exactly what was about to come. "Oh my god I love The Sims!" Miles, who spends about ninety percent of his free time playing it exclaims.

Knowing that this conversation was about to get torturously boring, Carter pulls out his papers while Lucian grabs his grinder. They roll two blunts for us to share as Harper eyes them curiously.

"Can I have some? I've never tired it." She asks as Carter deeply inhales. He holds it out to her, only to have his arm swatted away by Lucian. "What the hell," Carter exclaims, now looking at Lucian who just silently shakes his head.

"Sorry," He mutters to Harper, handing the blunt to Emilio. She doesn't look offended about being left out, she's just contently watching the ducks that swim around the pond.

We talk and laugh for another half hour, discussing the upcoming rugby match Lucian and Dex are in.

"What's wrong," Emilio asks Harper, who has been shifting uncomfortably for the past two minutes. "Nothing," She smiles sheepishly. We all stare at her, knowing she's lying.

"I need the toilet," She mumbles, clearly embarrassed. Miles snorts and points her in the direction of the outhouse that's further down the turf. She skips off, finally giving us a moment alone since she met us to talk about her.

"Wow wow wow," Dex says when she's safely out of ear range. "She's not that good looking," Lucian rolls his eyes.

"Yeah keep lying to yourself buddy," Carter laughs, patting his back. "Everyone's going to be so fucking jealous," Miles chuckles, taking another toke.

"Yeah have you seen her fucking body," Dex groans, running his hand through his hair. "Especially in those tight jeans." He adds.

"She's too skinny," Lucian says absentmindedly, scrolling through his phone. "Nah have you seen those thighs, they're chunky as shit," Dex argues.

Lucian snorts and looks up from his phone, only for his eyes to immediately widen. I tilt my head and see Harper awkwardly standing here, shifting on her feet.

"I'm going to go finish setting up my stuff," She smiles, seemingly not effected by Dex's comment. "See ya," She waves as she heads back to the building.

"Nice going," Carter taunts, slapping the back of Dex's head.

I speed walk back to the dorm, tears welling in eyes.

A boy I recognise from the common room tries to stop me and talk but I ignore him and continue walking. I'll have to apologies when I'm not on the verge of tears.

Chunky.

The word repeats over and over again on a loop. I knew I had been letting myself go lately but I didn't realise I had gotten so bad that my new friends had to immediately take the opportunity to talk about how fat I am the second I leave.

I finally make it back into the dorm after having everyone in the halls stare at me.

I grip my hair in frustration when I realise that there's no mirror in here. How could anyone go outside without checking what they look like in a mirror first? It makes no sense.

I pull out my phone, setting it up on the desk in the corner and hitting record. I shuffle to the centre of the room, turning in all different directions so I can record what my body looks like from all angles.

I watch the video multiple times, analysing every roll and imperfection. A wave of embarrassment washes over me as I realise how much I've humiliated myself, thinking I could actually come here and fit in when everyone instantly recognised my faults the second I arrived.

I drop my half eaten baggie of apples in the bin before heading to my bags. I try to distract myself by decoration my bunk, hanging fairy lights and sticking a few pictures on the wall.

I smile looking at the photo I'm holding, two blonde little girls messily shoving their faces with melting ice cream on a sunny beach. I wish I could go back to that time when I had no worries, when I had never experienced anything bad and when calories were just a boring thing grown ups talked about.

I trace the photo for a few moments longer before sticking it up.

After folding my clothes and putting them in the empty dresser, I admire my work. My pastel yellow pillow and duvet covers are a stark contrast to the rest of the boy's dull grey ones and my bedside table remains organised with only my salt lamp and succulent resting on it compared to the boy's cluttered ones.

Taking advantage of the empty room, I get changed into a pair of gym shorts with a loose off the shoulder jumper. It's freezing outside but I'm about to run until I physically can't anymore so I'm sure I'll warm up.

After chucking my hair into a messy ponytail I make my way out of the dorm, ignoring all the boys who were clearly talking about me.

Once I walk down the gravel road and out of sight from the school I take off running the same way the taxi took me.