Arcadian

Alone

Two weeks later

I sit in the back of english, biting my pen anxiously as my leg bounces up and down. 

School started up again four days ago. 

We spent another week in Spain after the festival, Lucian wanted to stay longer but I insisted on coming back because I didn't want to miss out on anymore school.

In reality that was a lie, the reason I wanted to come back was so I could be here for today. 

Today is my birthday, or our birthday more accurately.

Normally I don't ever talk or think about her but today it's impossible not to do so. My mind is flooded with memories like all the shared birthday parties we had or how we'd always secretly stay up till midnight the night before our birthday to sneakily eat a little cake to ourselves.

I selfishly spend the whole year pretending that she's not dead, imagining that she's just a phone call or train ride away but today is the one day out of the year were I actually acknowledge that she's dead and she's not coming back.

I stopped celebrating after she died, it just never felt right doing it without her so normally I just sit at her grave. I have kept up the cake tradition though I'll always eat two slices at midnight, one for me and one for her.

Now that I'm all the way over in Cartmel, a six hour train from Cornwall I can't see her today. I start to tear up thinking about how this'll be the first birthday she'll be all alone. 

In a moment of absolute impulsivity I raise my hand.

"Yes Harper?" My teacher questions. "Erm I forgot to tell you but I have a dentist appointment I need to go to now," I lie poorly.

"Okay but next time tell me before the lesson starts," She sighs. 

I quickly grab all my stuff and hurry out the room. As I rush to the dorm, I pull out my phone and start looking at the earliest trains to Cornwall. 

Whilst I'm concentrating on my phone I slam into someone. "Jesus watch where you're going Harper," They scold. I look up and see that it's Carter.

"Sorry it's just- erm I was distracted," I stutter out nervously. I'm praying that Carter doesn't directly ask me where I'm going because I'm terrible at lying.

I can't tell him I'm going back home because he'll tell Lucian and he won't agree with it. Ever since he read those messages from my mum he said he doesn't want me to be alone around her so I know going back to my home town will make him worry.

Even if Lucian said I couldn't go I still would regardless but I don't think I could stop him from coming with me. As much as I love him I just want to do this alone.

"Why are you so frantic?" He questions. "Ummm I need the toilet bye," I blurt out, rushing past him. I internally cringe at my embarrassing lie as I pull out my phone again.

I book a train for two pm and since it's ten forty I have just over three hours to grab some stuff from my room and get to the train station.

I make it to the dorms quickly, dumping the contents of my backpack all over my bunk before grabbing one of Lucians hoodies, my portable charger, a book and any money and stuffing into my bag.

I strip off my uniform, changing into a cute grey cardigan paired with a white top and some jeans. I then tie my hair up with a ribbon before grabbing my notepad out of my desk.

I leave a note on my bed explaining that I'll be back tomorrow because I know they'll be worried when they get back after class and see I'm not here. I hope Lucian won't be too mad.

Getting out of the academy is easy, if you're over sixteen you're pretty much allowed to leave campus whenever you like as long as you're back in time for class or curfew so no one bats an eye as I walk out and make my way to the bus stop.

It takes two buses to make it the old, decrepit train station that hardly anyone ever uses. I scan my ticket and walk to the platform, letting the cold January air blow through my hair as I shift on my feet.

Not only until the doors to the train shut, leaving me trapped on a six hour long train ride does it hit me. I'm going to be in so much trouble.

Firstly, my third period teacher should be noticing that I'm not in class right about now, causing him to mark me absent which automatically gets sent to our dorm advisor who will most definitely put me on toilet duty once he finds out that I'm bunking class.

Secondly, I only had enough money for the trip to Cornwall, meaning I'll have to ask my mum to help me out so I can get back which I'm sure will go well.

Lastly, Lucian may literally kill me. I think that he thinks I'm too naive for this world so he gets worried when I go out and do literally anything by myself. Once he finds out that I'm traveling alone he is going to be so mad.

I am so screwed.