Shattered Dreams

FOURTY-EIGHT.

"The universe has pulled us closer,
I trust whatever's  brought  me here to you."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

NADIA'S POV:

We have been inside for about a minute and Corey hasn't turned around from the back door once. I don't know what is going through his head and to be honest I am not quite sure I want to know. I hope he doesn't think that I don't want him because I cut our kiss short because that's not the case at all. We were in that hot tub for quite a while and I had sweat dripping down my face and neck. I wish I could've stayed in there with him longer but apparently the heat makes my symptoms ten times worse.

My head was starting to pound and my heart rate started to increase, and that was before we even started kissing. I thought that by going along with the kiss it would help me forget about the symptoms surfacing but the heat just made them so much more intense that I couldn't forget about them this time.

Corey sighs heavily and I walk up to him slowly so he can't hear my bare feet hit the tiles but also so it doesn't cause my calves to burn too much. I place my hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch and his breathing starts to get heavier. I trail my hand down his arm and I see goosebumps start to form from my touch.

"Why don't you want me like I want you, Nadia?" Corey almost whispers and I stop the movement in my hand.

"Do you seriously think that?" I question him and he says nothing and only nods in reply.

I want to wrap this man in my arms and tell him how deep I feel for him but I can't because I haven't even admitted it to myself fully yet. "Corey, you know that is not true at all."

"Then why does it always seem like you want to stop kissing me as soon as we start?" He asks me and he sounds so fragile that it breaks my heart a little. On the outside you would look at Corey and think he is tough, that he doesn't need anything to keep him going but really he is just like the rest of us, he wants to be loved as hard as he loves others. Which is something I have heard he ever gets from his own parents, especially his dad so he craves it more than others.

Corey is still dripping as he hasn't had time to dry off since he has just been staring at the door ever since he came inside. I take off my own towel and start moving it over his body in an effort to dry him because he must be freezing. He just stands there, letting me take care for once. It's nice having the roles switched and me being the one looking after him for a change because he never really gets a break between me and his hockey.

I am a natural care giver so no matter how much my body is hurting right now, I want to look after him more than I want to look after myself.

I finish drying his back, where he stays unmoving the entire time. I turn him around and he doesn't object and start drying his front. I look into his eyes, not knowing where to look and I don't want him to catch me checking him out.

"Your eyes are so beautiful." Corey tells me as I dry him. I find it hard to hold his gaze but I manage to hold eye contact.

I move the towel down towards his lower abdomen and I see his muscles twitch and he closes his eyes and blows out a breath, almost like he is in pain.

I finish drying him off until I am satisfied he won't get sick and give him a quick kiss on his mouth, so he knows I still want him even though I had to cut our kiss short when we were outside. He hums into the kiss, wanting to deepen it but I back away again, scared of being so vulnerable with him in that way.

I can show Corey when I am in pain and when I am so tired I can't even walk, yet I am too terrified to let him see me fully. I want to have sex with him and I have been ready for it for a long time but I just don't want him to be disappointed in me when I can't satisfy his needs just like I couldn't satisfy Jasper's.

I rest my forehead on his chest and look down and laugh into his chest when I see him hard underneath his boxers. He places his hands under my jaw and lifts my head up so I'm looking at him again, with no escape this time.

"Ignore that." He tells me in a serious tone but I can't help but let out a laugh again.

"I was going to anyway," I laugh in reply. "It's nice to know the effect I have on you though."

He smiles but says nothing and it's kind of awkward. I take his hand and lead him upstairs to my bedroom so that we can get some rest. I am exhausted and I haven't even done anything so he must be absolutely shattered considering the day he has had.

He gives me the t-shirt he wore today and we turn around from each other so that we can get changed in privacy. I put on the shirt he gave me and he put on a pair of loose grey shorts that look weirdly good on him.

"Looks better on you than it does me." He nods at the t-shirt and climbs into my bed.

"I'm sure it would start to smell nicer too now that I'm wearing it." I joke, getting into bed as well but when I do I am met with a pillow in the face, causing me to let out a squeal and earn a laugh from him.

"What are you so afraid of with me, Nadia?" He asks me once both of our laughter has settled down.

"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders. "I just don't think I deserve you, or to be happy."

It's hard admitting this to him but I do it anyway. My biggest fear with Corey is that he will tire of me, that he will begin to see me how I see myself and won't want me anymore because all he sees me as is this girl who is trapped inside of her own body with no escape.
           
"Nadia, you think you are unworthy of love because you have never been close to receiving the amount of love you deserve."
            
I turn around to face him in bed and bring my lips to his in an effort to shut him up. I know he's right, I have never been loved how I love other people and it gets to me. I thought I had experienced love before but that wasn't it and it wasn't what I grew up believing love would be. The love I thought I had with Jasper was one-sided and painful and that isn't how real love is supposed to be. Real love is raw and a feeling that is unimaginably good and yet still comes with its challenges but it helps you love and grow with the person so much more.
    
"Don't do that because you know I will forget the topic of conversation?" Corey whispers against my lips between kisses.

"And what was the topic of conversation?" I ask him with a slight smirk.

"I can't remember." He says with furrowed eyebrows. He shrugs the furrow away and starts kissing me again, deepening it further than we did last time.

I sit up, pulling his t-shirt off of me, leaving me naked in front of him. He looks down at my body with a heated gaze and if I wasn't already naked then he would be undressing me with his eyes right now.

"My God, Nadia," He whispers under his breath, running his fingers along my arm, leaving goosebumps from his touch. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Stop talking," I cut him off, reaching up to his neck and pulling him down to my lips so I could taste them again. "I want you."

"You have me," He reassures me but I shake my head and he understands as his eyes light up. "Are you sure?"

"Always with you." I confirm before he drops his grey shorts from his body, leaving him bare in front of me and I have to say I'm impressed.

Once It's over we both just lie there in eachothers arms, making the most of the feeling of each other because it will be a while before we will get to be in this much private again for a while.

All the noise that surrounds us is the heavy breathing that is coming from Corey and I. I enjoyed it and I was fully into it, unlike when I was having it with Jasper. In mine and Jasper's relationship sex has always just been a thing, not something that connects us so much that we feel like our souls are being tied together as it happens.

I hate comparing such a special moment with Corey to my experience with my ex boyfriend but it's hard not to. Jasper was all I had ever known, we were each other's first everything so it's a shock to my system what just happened with Corey.

The sex I just had with Corey was passionate and it made me feel alive and worth something, which is something I haven't felt in a while. Whenever I had sex with Jasper I didn't feel a connection, it felt like it was just a thing happening to get us both off.

"Kiss for your thoughts?" Corey breaks the silence when he speaks and I turn to look at him, kissing him lightly on his mouth.

"I was just thinking how amazing that was." I smile at him and he flashes a boyish smile back.

"You're telling me," He laughs, running a hand through his hair. "My legs are literally numb, I don't know how I'm supposed to go to training tomorrow."

"I'm pretty sure you'll manage." I smirk at him and he ruffles my hair like he always used to when we were kids.

"I can't believe it was snowing earlier." He mentions and I look out the window to see the snowflakes escaping to the ground.

"I know and that it's almost Christmas again already? It felt like it happened only a couple of months ago." I tell him, voicing my thoughts about how quickly time is going again.

He doesn't say anything else in response, just hums in agreement under his breath as he is so tired. I look over to him and he is smiling over at me as his eyes are fluttering closed as he tries to keep himself awake.

I smile back and turn to look out the window again. I want to go onto the roof as the snowflakes fall onto me whilst I tell Archie all about what happened but I can't because I don't feel well enough.

The sex was amazing but it seriously took it out of me physically. I can barely move my legs as there is a persistent nagging in them and I feel so exhausted that I could fall asleep at any moment.

I feel my breathing start to get heavier as the pain takes over me so I think back to the time Corey and I have had tonight and how much I have enjoyed it. The sex was the most passionate thing I have experienced with anyone and any part of my soul that didn't already belong to him was completely captivated in that moment.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Corey spikes awake, almost making me jump. "Willem rang me earlier he told me to tell you that he loves you.

I smile slightly because even though my brother and I have only been away from each other for a day I miss him terribly. I have had a stronger attachment to the people around me since I have been sick as the people closest to me are the ones I rely on, no matter how much I don't want to.

"And you're choosing right after we had sex for the first time to tell me that?" I ask him in disbelief, causing us both to laugh and he wraps his arms around me as he does so.

We stay in eachothers arms until we feel sleep takeover us.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───