Smoker (Mattheo Riddle fic)

20: Unlocked

(06th of November) The weekend has been and gone. Nothing exciting. Saturday we practiced for Quidditch tryouts, Sunday was a homework overload. Now its Monday afternoon. Detention number 1.

"Ah Evelyn there you are." Slughorn says as I appear the doorway. We had potions this morning, yet he didn't utter a word to me, or even look at me. "Please come in and sit down, let us have a chat."

I stroll over to his desk, and grab a stool on my way. I drag it with me, letting it scrape on the stone beneath my feet. I say nothing, and pull the chair in front of his desk, then slump down, keeping my bag on my shoulder. I wait for him to begin.

"Miss Diggory, Evelyn. I've noticed a shift in your behaviour. You are less focused, less so than you were before. You were never really interested in my class were you? Perhaps you'd like to hide it better?"

"Did you call me back here just to pick me apart or are you actually going to say something helpful?"

He slams the pen down on his desk. "This is exactly what I'm talking about Evelyn; your attitude, your unwillingness to engage into my class, your evident lack of focus." He pauses and then begins to speak quietly now, personally. "Something is wrong. I don't know what it is, but I suggest you confide in somebody. I'm not asking it to be me, but please, I think you should.

"Thanks for your input. Sir." I say, standing up. I turn and walk to my desk, then sit down on the stool, and chuck my bag onto the table. He sighs at me, then picks his pen back up and looks back to the stack of papers on his desk.

I was aware my mind has been wondering lately, however Mattheo isn't why I've been lacking in this class. I've been lacking in others too, however none of the other teachers picked up on it, might is also why I haven't either. I always try hard in DADA, but apart from that my overall effort is always pretty mediocre. But Slughorn knows that something is wrong. So do I.

I know the anxiety has been getting bad again. I've been denying it. Burying it. I think Cedric sparked it. It was really bad at the end of fourth year, for the same reasons. Perhaps Cedric speaking to me after over a whole year of silence brought back past feelings. It reminds me of my family. I realise it more as I look back. The train carriage. This is the first detention I've had in months. Now I have 5 in one week. I always used to get away with things, keep my attitude subtle. I've been back at the bench more times in the last two weeks than I have in the whole of last term. Obviously Mattheo attended a few but they don't count. Although, I think I haven't noticed it for a reason. It's bad to pin Mattheo as my saviour. It is selfish but I know it is true. Not only has he turned my attention away, maybe I saw him as I way of holding on, or pulling myself back.

That, and obviously the fact that I really fucking like him.

The clock hits 3:59 and I begin to gather myself. I rise and begin to head for the door.

"Sit down Miss Diggory."

"My detention is nearly done." I reply.

"Not done yet."

"I don't think 30 seconds makes a difference, by the time I reach the door it will be over."

He takes off his reading glasses ad puts them on the desk. "You are incapable of learning aren't you Miss Diggory."

I stand there in silence until the clock chimes 4. I turn and walk to the door and pull on the handle but it wont open. I try it again and again, then turn back to Slughorn, to see him with his wand in his hand, pointing it at the door. I know it wont open, yet I still pull on it. I keep pulling and pulling. My breath is quickening now, I keep thinking of the handle on the train.

"Miss Diggory, if you would just-"

"Let me out."

"Miss Diggory-"

"LET ME OUT."

The door unlatches, and I throw it open, racing out of there as quickly as I can.

"Let me out."