Never Ever

34| Good as it gets

The moment I step into my dorm, I brace myself. Sunlight filters in through the blinds, revealing Addy fast asleep on her bed. She looks peaceful, her breathing gentle and rhythmic as she snuggles in her fort of blankets. My shoulders sink with a hint of relief when I realize I've dodged an interrogation.

I tiptoe to my side of the room, trying not to make a sound. I carefully unpack my things, throwing my swimsuit into the dirty hamper before heading to the showers. After stepping out of my clothes, I stand under the stream of hot water and reminisce about how good this morning felt.

Too good, and we didn't even have sex, which makes me both excited and nervous for the future, but I'm trying not to think about it. Thinking means overthinking, and overthinking leads to questioning Noah's intentions, which I don't want to do. I want to believe that whatever we have is different from what he's used to do, even if convincing Addy of that fact will be difficult.

By the time I return to my dorm, Addy is still fast asleep. I climb into my own bed, drawing the covers up snugly. The soft hum of campus life trickles through the window, reminding me I should probably go and do something productive, but then Addy will wake up and think I'm still with Noah, and the hour-long interrogation I'm certain I'll receive will turn into three.

Instead, after a min-nap, I decide to prepare the room for an Addy-and-Ever murder mystery marathon. I gather some blankets, pillows, and an assortment of snacks from the kitchen. With a little creativity, I arrange everything into a cozy fort on my bed, placing the snacks conveniently on the bedside table and making sure Netflix is all set up and ready to go. I'm hoping that Addy, who's self-professed love language is Acts of Service, will love it so much that she'll forget all about me sleeping at Noah's.

It's pushing eleven by the time she wakes up. I watch as she blinks slowly, rubbing her eyes, before her gaze shifts over to me. She freezes for a moment, tilting her head to study me properly, searching for remnants of Noah.

"Ever," she says, sitting up properly. "Don't you dare try and distract me with a movie marathon." She climbs out of bed, walking around the assortment of snacks to sink onto my covers. "Did you hook up with Noah last night?"

"No," I say a little too quickly. "Well, not exactly."

"Not exactly?" She's so wound up that her curls jump around as she speaks. "What does that mean?"

I bite my lip, knowing it's time to officially come clean. "It means we kissed." Okay, maybe not completely clean, but as clean as Addy can handle right now.

"Ever, no," she says like she's scolding a kid. "Didn't you learn anything from the Natalia saga? That boy is interested in one thing only. Well, two, if you count swimming." She sighs and shakes head. "I knew you staying over was a bad idea. I swear, if that bean bag so much as lays another finger on you, he's dead." Before I can question her choice of insult, she's throwing her hands up frustratedly. "As if it's not bad enough he destroyed one of my friends. Now he's out for a second. That kid has no morals."

I manage to not wince at the mention of Natalia. "It's not the same."

It's ridiculous really. I'm a grown adult – most of the time – and I should be able to kiss whoever I want. Unfortunately for me, I ended up rooming with the one girl who's made it her life's mission to know everybody's business. Especially mine.

"Said everyone of Noah's hookups since the start of the year," Addy says. "Unless there's something I don't know about you guys that makes this time different." She leans closer, looking into my eyes like the answers will be right there on my soul. "Is there?"

I slump onto my covers, using the pillow to cover my face so I don't have to stomach her judgemental gaze. "We've been talking for months," I say and then, even though it scares me, I proceed to tell her everything, from the accident and me losing my scholarship to Noah offering to let me use his pool for tryouts. It comes pouring out like Alphabet soup, a scramble of words I'm not sure makes sense, but Addy listens intently, frowning at some parts and wincing at others, taking it all in. Eventually, when I run out of things to say, I sit back in my fort of pillows and wait for her to say something.