Yup! I'm That Noona

21.

Mabigat sa dibdib. That's what I was feeling while I was walking towards the exit.

Nag hanap ako ng pwesto kung saan wala masyadong tao nang makalabas na ako. Huminga ako ng malalim ng ilang beses. Realizations suddenly hit me.

Yeah, Jiyong showers me with attention, his efforts are appreciated, he's straightforward in telling me what he feels about me and he never fails to make me feel special. Intimacy-wise, ilang beses na rin kaming nag make-out. But I need more than that. I need more from him.

I feel like I am not worthy of knowing him deeper dahil hindi sya makapag open sa akin ng maayos. Hindi ba ako katiwa-tiwala? Kung totoo man ang sinabi ni Kuya Manuel na siguro ayaw lang ni Jiyong na may ibang apektado sa problema nya, then anong pinagkaiba ko sa mga kaibigan nya?

Ka momol nya lang ako?

We're not formally together, and I am okay with that. Labels are just labels.

But I want our connection to be deeper emotionally. And it seems hard to get it from him.

Naisip ko na kausapin sya about it pero nahihiya ako.

Maybe he just doesn't feel too comfortable with me yet. Pero kailan pa?

Ah. Damn it!

Gusto ko bigla magsigarilyo. I occasionally smoke lalo na kung ganitong tense ako o parang kinakabahan o masyadong maraming iniisip.

"Hi,"

Nagulat ako nang may lumapit sa akin. Kinabahan pa ako pero nakilala ko naman agad si Kayel. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko.

Ngayon ko sya mas naobsernahan. He looked shy yet he carries himself well. He's probably halk Korean or less dahil mas mukha syang European or American. Pero fluent sya sa Korean dahil iyon ang ginagamit nilang language kapag magkausap sila.

He's so white and glowing. Talagang pansinin sya kung dadaan sya. But he has a soft aura.

Tumawa sya. "Sorry if I surprised you. I saw you went out so I followed. I need air, too."

Natawa rin ako. "It's fine."

"Do you want to be alone? Or you need someone to talk to?"

I smiled. "Someone to talk to seems a better option."

Malapad ang ngiti na ibinigay ni Kayel. "Same! I don't usually hit the clubs whenever I want to drink. I want a quiet place and people to talk to," Parang nahihiya na sabi nya.

"You've been friends with Jiyong for how long?" I need to distract myself.

"Oh, I knew him before he debuts. We used to train together but I had a change of heart so I quit and went back to Australia. We still communicate frequently." Mukhang ginanahan sya mag kwento. With his looks, papasa syang idol, model or artista kaya hindi na ako nagtaka na trainee sya before.

"I see. When did you arrive here in the Philippines? Are you just here for vacation?"

"At first, yes. I came here last year for the first time when he invited me to come. And then, I received a few prints ads modeling gig. So, I was able to stay for a few months. I left and went back to Australia to take care of some things and then I was called to come back here last month for some modelling gigs again."

"Wow. That must be nice. Don't you have work back in Australia?" I am genuinely curious. Mabuti pa itong si Kayel parang kahit anong itanong ko kaya mag kwento nang mag kwento.

Tumango si Kayel. "I have an interior designer firm in Australia. Whenever I am not there, I have three employess that works with me. It's a small firm but we have an array of clients. I plan to open a branch in South Korea since my mother, who is a full Korean, has friends there who might become clients."