Delicate | Taylor Swift

Chapter Five

TAYLOR SWIFT

A frantic and hopeless cry made my eyes snap open. I must have drifted off on the couch, watching something as I was slumped against the cushions with the tv on and remote in hand.  In my daze, I got up quickly and started to jog towards Rubens room but it only got quieter the further I went. I turned around and saw her standing at the foot of the couch, snot and tears covering her red face. She was hysterical. 

Then it hit me. 

She must of come out to find me and saw me asleep and thought the worst. "Oh my god," I ran over to the little girl and scooped her up. I then saw my glass of wine, which only sunk it in further. "Oh my god," I repeated again, "I'm so sorry, Ruben. I'm so sorry." I held my hand on the back of her head, stroking her hair, while the other held her up. The toddler continued to cry, worry evident in her sobs. 

I swear I could feel my heart tearing in half. It was the most gut wrenching site I had ever seen. Guilt began to eat me alive as I rocked the girl. 

I really am paying for my thoughts yesterday. Of course no foster kid is fine. They just get triggered by different things because they all have different histories. And now I am learning Rubens.

After a few minutes Ruben began to self soothe by chewing on her fingers. I didn't want her to hurt herself but I didn't know what else to do since it was the only thing calming her down. For a while there she was still and I thought she maybe had fallen back asleep but when I began to move my head to check she whined. Her throat was hoarse and scratchy, sounding like bad phone reception. 

"Sorry my love." I whispered and kissed her head. She wrapped her free hand around my neck and grasped onto my necklace. I decided to take her into my bedroom because there was absolutely no way she was going to sleep away from me tonight, and I'm not going to make her. I felt so bad that I would do anything to make her feel safe again.

Olivia was splayed out on my bed, all four paws stretched out in different directions. Mere' was probably under my bed and Benj' was probably in the studio. He likes sleeping on top of the piano. 

"Liv'a?" Ruben croaked. "Yeah, baby doll. Olivia is here too. I'm sure she would love a cuddle from you." I smiled, placing the shivering girl down onto the soft duvet. Olivia sat up and meandered over sluggishly to Ruben. Seeing the white and grey cat made Ruben pull her fingers from her mouth and allow her cheeks to dry up. 

"Kitty..." Ruben murmured as the scottish fold fell into her lap and starting pawing at her and purring. I took that as an opportunity to take off my clothes and slip on something more comfy. I wouldn't normally, but this isn't a normal situation. I didn't think there was any way I was going to be able to go change in the bathroom, otherwise I would have.

I sat on the bed beside Ruben and kicked my feet up onto the bed. The little girl crawled up the bed and up almost into my armpit. She rested her head on my chest and placed those two sore ruby fingers back into her mouth. I could tell she was fighting slumber, her body terrified something might happen again if she was asleep.

"It's OK darling. I'm right here, and I wont let anything happen to you or I. I promise." I said, even know I'm quite sure it wouldn't help. It can't hurt to try. 

-

I woke up pretty much every hour that night. I was so paranoid that Ruben was going to panic again that my body just wouldn't let me rest. At about 5 AM I decided to just get up and do something because sleep wasn't going to happen. 

I replied to emails and started brainstorming some lyrics for this song I've been working on. All the while Ruben slept quietly beside me, her small hands wrapped around my bicep. The toddler began to stir around 7, so I put down my laptop.

"Hey pretty girl. I'm here, It's OK." I said quietly as she roused, her eyes blinking around trying to see me. She visibly relaxed at my voice and snuggled closer. Her under eyes were swollen and her fingers were raw. I'm sure her throat is too. 

"How are you?" I asked tentatively. The girl replied with a sniffle and buried her head into my breast. "That's OK, darling. You don't have to be feeling better." I assured her. "I'll go at your pace."

After a while the small child sat up and rubbed her puffy eyes. She grabbed my hand and pulled on it. "Do you want to go somewhere?" I asked. She nodded so I stood up and helped her down onto the floor. She grabbed a hold of my index finger and started leading me to her bedroom.

 "Oh you need to go to the bathroom. I'll wait right here OK. You can leave the door open and I'll just turn around if you need?" I offered. She nodded so I turned so my back was facing the bathroom. I yawned and scratched my sides. It always feels so good. 

I must of zoned out when Ruben was going to the bathroom because I jumped a little bit when her wet hand clasped onto mine again. "Oh! Sorry, didn't hear you coming." I apologized. She reached out her arms to be picked up, so I obliged. "Where do you wanna go now?" I asked, kissing the side of her head softly. She flopped her head down onto my shoulder. "Kitchen," She mumbled into my skin. 

I walked us into the large kitchen and sat her down on the counter. "Do you wanna eat something?" I asked. She shook her head. "Drink?" I asked earning a nod. I grabbed a water bottle and filled it up. "Here you go sweetheart." 

I also grabbed a tissue and wet it. "Can I wipe your nose?" 

She grunted but let me wipe away the dried mucus. I had to keep myself from making a face as I wiped it because I knew it would upset the girl, but I couldn't have it just sitting under her nose either. 

I threw the tissue in the bin and washed my hands. I dried them off and walked back to stand in between the tiny legs that were hanging down off the counter. I ran my fingers through her fine hair. "It'll be OK. You and Me, We'll figure it out together, hm? Us against the world."

Ruben grabbed onto a strand of my blonde locks. "Ru' and Tay."