Abandoned But Happy

Chapter 18

When Harry said that Lockhart would cause trouble, he didn't think it would start so soon. Certainly not in his first class with the man.

When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville's copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front. "Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-Charming-Smile Award—but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"

He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.

"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books! Well done. I thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about—just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in." When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, "You have thirty minutes. Start... now!"

Harry looked down at the test and read through it, his disgust for the new DADA professor growing as he got questions like "What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?" and "When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?"

Sadly, he knew the answers to each question, but he didn't like it. So, instead, he slipped the packet into his school bag to show to his father for a request to self study.

While everyone else filled out the tests, Harry observed. The class was with the Gryffindors, so Harry could observe all of his first year friends and his peers. Daphne, Theo, and Tracey were staring at the tests in shock, as if they didn't believe a professor could have given them such a test. Draco and Blaise, who sat on either side of Harry, were filling in sarcastic answers. Neville seemed to be confused at what the questions possibly had to do with DADA, but was clearly trying his best. Hermione was, unfortunately, filling out her test with much enthusiasm.

Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and stood in front of the class as he leafed through them. "Tut, tut. Hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully. I clearly state in chapter twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and non-magic peoples—though I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky!"

He gave them a roguish wink that had most of the students exchanging disgusted glances, but several were holding in their laughter. Ronald Weasley was staring at him in disbelief and Hermione was listening with rapt attention, especially when Lockhart said her name.

"Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions! Good girl! In fact," he flipped her paper over, "full marks! Where is Miss Hermione Granger?"

Hermione raised a trembling hand.

"Excellent!" Lockhart beamed. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for Gryffindor! And so, to business." He bent behind his desk and brought out a large covered cage, which he set on the desk with a thump. "Now, be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."

Harry exchanged glances with Draco and leaned around his books to look at the cage. The students that had been laughing earlier, abruptly stopped as Lockhart set a hand on the cover. Neville, in his front row seat, was shaking in fear at what might be in the cage.

"I must ask you not to scream," Lockhart said in a low voice. "It might provoke them."

The whole class seemed to hold its breath, some hoping that whatever it was would redeem the professor after the so-called test.