The Book Boy's Revenge 1

Song Hart Williams

Sometimes instead of it getting better, it gets worse.

                                   Song Hart Williams

Living all your life in darkness…results into nothing special besides you enduring it forever…until it becomes familiar, so familiar for you to impart what light means…that it exists somewhere… so beautiful and real, unlike the darkness creeping where it’s just you and your thoughts…which scares you, existing in the small dark hole God knows what exists there…no light, no pretty translucent butterflies because even if it was flying in the same room…you couldn’t possibly see it with all the darkness covering you again until, you are enduring it…so familiar so a part of one’s heart and then…you are scared to see the light, you can no longer endure the bright welcoming light…calling you and extending their hand towards you. Promising it gets better there…but your heart wants to stay at the dark hole…light hurts your eyes now but it calls your name…honeyed, warm like a tight hug…but it hurts and it hurts the heart who yearned for the light…wishing in the darkness to endure the light, because it’s better there but it leaves your hand again…no one’s pulling you out of the turmoil…you are stuck…no one heard those screams or the silent battles because the darkness muted it all, so familiar because you endured it all…you were silent…I was silent. Forgetting you. I wanted to break out but could reach no one…and hearing the turmoil mumble… ‘You did this to yourself. You hid it and you shut your mouth. Stop blaming others. Song. You did that and…probably because you deserved it. You deserved the fate, the father you can’t hate. Why should you? You suffered because you deserved it. You earned the loss. How could you expect anyone to hear you from the thick glass you shield yourself with. Why do you do that? Because Song you know you deserved it. It hurts you and it should. Because you can’t hate the starter your first father abuser. Song-Song can’t comprehend the light now…trust feels non-existential to you. Look at yourself in the mirror…Do you even recognize the person staring back at you through the mirror?’

“I can’t talk right now.” The air felt colder…thinner saying out those words from his mouth.

“You have to, Mrs. Lucy is worried sir.”

“Aster. I will talk to her but not at the moment,” Hands tightly clasped around the door’s handle, not worrying it might have caused a mark because it numbed with the thoughts pouring out, to talk to his mother and tell her he can’t be mad at her, as a matter of fact he certainly wasn’t in his opinion, but talking to her, facing her once again as her eyes speaks, begs for him to tell what’s wrong, he couldn’t.

“Brother Aster, we’re playing games, do you want to join?” Walter’s exhilarated cheer, eyes bigger than buttons now, a smile formed on Song’s face.

“No sweetheart, thanks for offering.” Aster’s eyes now on Song, serious. “Once you figure out. I advise you do Sir. Mrs. Lucy really seem to regret it.” That being sent he left and Song closed the door inclining on the door, holding the urge to not scream out his false thoughts. ‘You hurt people. Just like you did to Jeremy. Forget what he did, you are such an emotional freak.’

“Song. What happened?” Walter’s eyes glued on him, small body and big chub face, lips in a concerned pout.

“You only fear Warner, don’t you?” Changing the topic softly squinting his eyes at Walter. “I could call you Song. Warner brother lectures me if I did that.” Eyes smaller and furrowing his eye-brows reflecting embarrassment.

“He’s not here now.” Song still inclined at the door, numbing the feelings or trying to.

“Still…” his tiny head scanned the room left and right. “Feels like he could hear me if I call him by his name.” He whispered. Small Warner, he looks exactly like him. Song said, smile on his face which hurt his face.

 “When will he come back?” Song didn’t know it himself, Warner had to leave because the mansion’s not a safe place anymore, Aster was behind it all, yet Warner defended him but it wasn’t his fault, Song was aware about the commissioner being a fraud including the man staying in this mansion, whose mansion it was, Cody. How could he trust them, and Aster being the most trusted person of this mansion this was inevitable. To defend Aster.

“I don’t know. Why? Do you miss him?” Walter froze, shook his head left and right as if contemplating whether he should say or not, his whole tiny body moving as well and mumbled words indistinct to Song,

“What are you saying, Walter?” Song raised his eye-brow leveling with Walter’s gaze facing him, his plump pink lips twitching, small fingers clasped behind his back as he jiggled looking down. Opened his mouth and closed again. Started jiggling again mumbling again and exhaled sharply meeting Song’s eyes.

“Does that mean Lily won’t come to play with me either?” Song stifled his laugh. “I was good to Warner because Lily always played with me and she is cute, understands me and you know…you won’t believe.” His cheeks turned red, his tiny hand lifted up calling Song closer and he did. “She even gives me head-pats, soft ones.”

“I am sorry but I don’t think you can play with her.” Song said and felt weird hearing out the last part. “I wish you had a girl-friend.” Walter inhaled wending towards Song’s bed, hopped on it like his own cuddling the plushy. Song walked towards Walter and a pause.

He stood speechless confronted by a 5-year-old child. 19 isn’t that old enough to date, I can’t date anyone. I won’t.

“What are you doing? Gosh Come here!” Walter patted the place beside him and Song followed for a moment he was 5-year-old and Walter 19-year-old. “Look,” Song turned to Walter talk like a licensed therapist he needed the most.

“I heard momma talking to one of her friends, Gabriella’s momma.” Song exhaled coming to his senses, to not listen to a 5-year-old baby but Walter went on,

“You know our café they usually go to. I get so tired hearing them by the way.” He complained, his palms touching his fore-head. Song nodded and pulled him out of the bed by his arm but stubborn Walter scowled at him climbing back on the bed again.

“Kristen aunt started, ‘Hahaha…my Gabriella is 18 now, I am so sure many boys are behind her. I also told his dad…my Jeremy,” Song scoffed squeezing his eyes, his fingers in a fist against his leg. He didn’t tell his wife I beat him.

“Gabriella should never marry someone like Shawn and then mom started, ‘Walter’s here…Kristen.’ And then she laughed clapping her hands. “Walter, would you come to the point? You don’t have to act it out.” Walter shrugged and his eyes went soft, a hope was crushed, big dreams and passion of a tiny boy were mis-heartened.

“I like it that way.” Voice smaller and on the edge to cry…Song’s hands clenched and unclenched. “I am sorry go on.” Walter smiled and enthusiastically nodded, his soft hair bouncing in the air.

“Again, Kristen Aunt ‘Jeremy is so protective about Gabriella and do you know Owen was saying how he is grateful to have a son. A daughter’s a big responsibility.’ Mom, nodded and nodded. I could say she was tired like me too.” Song nodded snapping his knuckles, tired by Walter’s explanation.

“Mom ‘Me too.’ Kristen Aunt stiffened shoulders ‘Jeremy was talking to me about Owen,” Song’s heart sunk at the information he was about to get.

“‘He asked Gabriella, you know after 2 childhood friends were reconciled, he asked about whether or not Song’s dating someone.’ Momma instantly shook his head ‘I don’t know even.’ Kristen Aunt.” Song shook his head pushing away the emotions gripped onto him, it’s not necessary to date.

“What did she say?” Voice heavier as he swallowed the cold