Chapter 264

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November 2018
**YOUR POV**
Harry and I went to let Anne know that we would disappear for a bit which she immediately understood, so he slid his hand in mine and we walked around town a bit.
At some point we found ourselves at this park we knew from when we were younger. It was a water park where there were ducks during spring and summer to feed and it was just this beautiful and calm place.
Now in November it was obviously cold and the water was frozen, but it still was beautiful.

Harry and I sat down on this bench right in front of the frozen water where not too many people were around and I leaned against Harry's shoulder, his body radiating a warmth that instantly warmed my cold body.

„Are you feeling better?" He asked, rubbing my back soothingly.

„Yeah I am." I nodded with a little smile. „You make everything better."

He smiled back. „I'm trying." He kissed the top of my head.

„Haz?"

„Yeah?"

„Are you okay?" I asked him, sitting up straight and turning to my side to look at him properly.

„I'm okay, yeah." He nodded when he turned his head to look at me.

I cupped his cheek. „You tell me if you're not, okay?"

„Okay." He nodded again before I kissed his lips.

„I'm sorry...about the drinking earlier." I told him. „It was stupid."

„It's okay." He kept on rubbing my back soothingly. „I understand. It's okay."

„I've been thinking..." I started as Harry listened carefully. „I wanna go on tour. Just like I've planned it."

„You wanna go on tour? Like now?"

„I do. If I go on tour like it was planned, I'd leave in two weeks." I told him as he looked away from me and back at the frozen water in front of us.

„Two weeks...that's soon."

„You don't seem too happy about it." I sighed and he didn't answer. „You think it's a bad idea. Harry look at me."

He didn't.

„That's not fair, you know? You've had your new album, your tour and your movie and I couldn't tour because of the cancer. I had to postpone everything because of it. It's been a year. I wanna finally do what makes me happy again." I told him, feeling a bit disappointed.

I thought he would be happy about it with me.

„It's just...we've just lost our baby." He eventually said. „I don't know if you're ready. Traveling from country to country, performing every night. You haven't done that in a while."

„Do you think I don't know that? Yes I haven't performed in a while, so? There are rehearsals for a reason and I know I can do it. Also, it's been a month, Harry. I need to do something, to get back at it. I have to." I said, trying not to cry. „I thought you out of everyone would get it and would be happy for me."

„Y/n I am happy for you, believe me. I wouldn't want anything else for you than to be happy and to do what you love most." He finally looked at me. „I'm sorry, but I'm just worried."

„You don't have to be worried." I assured him. „I have to do this, Harry. I have to, but I need your support in this. Do I have your support?"

He nodded. „Of course you do. I'll always support you." He kissed my cheek softly.

„Then why are you so unhappy about it?"

„It's not that I'm not happy about it. I am, Y/n. I just...Jeff scheduled some last minute shows for me in December probably in LA, so we'll both be away."

„Well...that's okay. Don't worry about that. I'll be fine, you'll be fine and I have a break over Christmas and new years, so we'll be together again for that and then I only have one or two months left. If that's what you're worried about, you don't have to be. It'll be okay." I told him. „It'll be great."

„Yeah...sorry, I'm sure it will be great. I'm glad you'll get your tour after so long." He finally kissed my lips, showing his support.

„Thanks. You really don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. It'll also be a good distraction for a while."

„You're right, yeah and I am happy for you. Really." He smiled.

„Good, I'm glad." I smiled back. „You know, it's almost been a whole year since the cancer is gone." I rememberd the date as I kept on thinking about it lately.

„I know and you have no idea how happy I am that you're alright." He said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze. „Every time I think back of that time...I feel that damn pain in my heart that I've been feeling all year long until you were in remission." He looked away and down at his lap. „Just thinking about it...at this time- I- I-." He choked up, tears filling his eyes.

„Harry, hey." I said softly, turning to look at him and cup his cheek. „Haz, baby...look at me, sunshine." I wiped away some of the tears that ran down his cheeks as he looked up. „Baby, I'm here and I'm fine. Don't think about that time too much. It's in the past. It's been shit, but look at me. I'm here." I told him, soothingly running my thumb over his soft cheek. „I hate when you're sad. I don't wanna see you cry, Haz. I'm perfectly fine and I'm here...with you. That time, what happened there...it's not gonna happen again." I leaned in to kiss his cheek as I ran my hand through his soft hair. „I love you so much, H."

„Love you more." He kissed me, this time my lips. „I love you more than anything."

I smiled at that, wiping more of his tears away. „No sad Harry, okay?"

He chuckled. „Okay." And he kissed me again while I kept running my hand through his hair. His brown, curls so soft around my fingers. „I'm sorry, it just came over me."

„No, don't be. It's okay." I assured him. He nodded with a small smile, so I tried to change the subject. „You know sometimes I really miss your long hair." I said as I kept playing with his curls.

He chuckled a little. „Want me to grow it out again?"

„Do whatever you like. It's your hair." I smiled. „Knowing you, you won't, because in a way you're a different person now than you were back then...and that's okay." I said.

„You know, that's one of the many many reasons why I love you so much."

I smiled at that. „Love you more and by the way, I love any hairstyle you chose to have."

He kissed my lips again before we decided to head back home to Anne's house as we realized we've been gone for longer than we thought.

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