Hurts so good

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR|| AMARIS

I've been up for an hour now. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep but it doesn't feel like enough. I'm exhausted. Aiden took a lot out of me yesterday. When I think back, I can't help the smile that spreads across my face.

The only reason why I can't go back to sleep is because I'm busy watching them. Aiden is between my thighs, his arms wrapped around me. Milo is on his back to my right, one of his arms hangs off the bed and the other is resting on his v-line, his fingertips beneath his sweats. Cassius is on his stomach to my left, one of his arms is just above Aiden's head across my stomach, and the other is underneath his pillow.

I'm not sure why I can't stop looking at them. I've seen them sleep before. It's nothing new but this... this is different. This feels like breathing. The way they shift at any little movement, the way their chests move up and down as they breathe, the way they smell, the way they feel, the way they...

Is this what they feel when they watch me sleep? I like it. I like that this vulnerable side of them can only be accessed by me. I want to lock them up. I want to keep them trapped so that only I can-

"Bug?"

My head swings towards Cassius as he looks up at me confused. "Why are you up?" he asks, his voice low and heavy. Pretty.

"I can't sleep," I say, bringing my hand up to run through his hair. Should I tell him I keep fantasizing about locking them up? No. They'll probably think I'm giving into my dark side again. This feeling will go away soon.

"Another nightmare?" he asks, sitting up this time and I push him back down.

"No. I just- I'll go back to sleep in a minute. You first." I lay back down next to him and stroke his face. Less than a few minutes pass before his eyes close and his breathing slows again.

He's closer this time. This time, when he breathes I can feel it on my face. It feels good. I want to kiss him. I want to touch him. I run my thumb over his lips and he moans. *sigh* fucckkkkk he moans! I- I want...

My free hand travels down my stomach and into my panties. I- what am I doing? He's asleep. They're asleep and I'm fantasizing about them. What's wrong with me?! I pull my hand away from Cas's mouth and he pulls it back. With his eyes still closed, he kisses my fingertips one by one. He's awake.

He opens his eyes and looks down at my other hand. I try to pull that one away too but he stops me. He places his hand on top of mine and puts it back inside, guiding my middle finger to rub my clit. I moan and he turns my head towards him. His eyes are on my mouth and he pulls me in closer but I pull away.

"Cas I can explain-"

"I don't want an explanation Amaris, I want you to kiss me." He doesn't sound angry when he says that but it sounds like a warning nonetheless.

I hesitate before leaning in and kissing him. It feels weird. It feels like I need to explain. But... what would I say to him? He'll think I'm some kind of pervert. For all their infatuation with me, I know for a fact that they've never done something like this to me while I was asleep.

He moves from my mouth and kisses his way down my neck. I go to speak but I have the slightest feeling that he doesn't want me to. He guides my middle finger inside of me and I moan again.

"Shhh. They'll hear you. They're probably dreaming about you right now. Do you want to wake them up?" I don't. A part of me is nervous. A part of me doesn't want to have to explain.

I shake my head no and he pushes my finger in deeper. "Good girl. Now lift your shirt for me, I want to see you." I do as he says and he smiles. The moonlight that shines into our bedroom illuminates us enough for me to see the bulge in his sweats. I lick my lips imagining his dick in my mouth. He's the only one I haven't tasted yet and that thought makes me even hungrier.

"No." Is all he says before pushing another one of my fingers inside me. I bite my lips and try my best to stifle my moan this time. It feels too good. His fingers are thick and long. He knows exactly where my weak spots are and he's not afraid to use them.

"No?" I ask, keeping my eyes on what I want.

"You look hungry. I can tell you want me to shove my dick down your throat but as much as I want to, now isn't the time. You want something else. Not just from me. Tell me what you want, bug."

"What I want?"

"Yes, what you want. The look you had in your eyes earlier, we've all had it before. It's the obsession that comes with loving you. It's a hunger we had to endure because we couldn't have you. But for you, it's different. You can have us. You can have anything you want, just say the word." Cas says, so sincerely. Like he understands every thought running through my mind.

"I- I want you and Milo to take turns fucking me while Aiden watches." Yesterday was one of the best sexual experiences I've ever had. The toys were great. Aiden's tongue was even better. But the eyes on me, Cas and Milo standing there helpless as they watched me get destroyed was fucking exhilarating. I want more.

Cassius smiles and nods before speaking "Did you guys get that?"

My eyes snap to watch as Milo and Aiden open their eyes and lift their heads. "What else, princess?" Aiden asks, kissing my upper thigh. "Yeah, tell us what else you want from us, love," Milo says, kissing my neck.

"Pain. I wa- I want pain. And bondage. And I want something from all of you. Something only I can get. Something that says you're mine."

"Something more than the tattoo we have for you?" Cas asks, still sliding my finger in and out of me lazily.

"Yes. I want blood," I say, closing my eyes and letting the thought of my power over them consume me.

***

All three of my boys kneel before me. I feel... high. Is it possible to get high on power? Red candles are placed all over the room and some kind of beam with a harness strapped to it is facing the window. When I said I wanted to be tied up that's not exactly what I had in mind but apparently, the boys intended something like this from the beginning and had the forethought to bring it on our trip.

I'm excited to use it later but now? Now is something different. Now is for appeasing my obsession. I can feel their eyes on me. I'm wearing a three-piece red lingerie set with a garter belt that hooks onto thigh-high stockings. The garter belt has a heart on either side of the front and the panty has a heart cut out on the back.

I know I look good and I'm aware that me having them kneel in front of me right now, hands behind their backs, must be torture. It's okay though, I'm sure they'll take it out on me later. 

"Prin-"

"Shhhhhh. No talking, baby," I say, running a finger over Aiden's lips. He looks up at me with his hungry eyes, as do the others, and it sends a shiver down my spine. "You know I don't like when my victims interrupt me." I remove my fingers and pull out the knife that's strapped to my thigh.

One by one I walk past them, keeping my eyes on the blade as I swing it between my fingers. "As I told you earlier, I want blood. Specifically, yours." They've already agreed to this but I want to make sure that they are okay with it one last time. "I will cut each of you, just once, enough to leave a scar. If you don't want this, tell me now." I turn back to face them, this time a bit more nervous that they might think it's too much.

I'm not delusional enough to think this is normal. I know it's crazy. Cutting them, marking them but I-

"We want this." They all say, all at once like they've never been sure of anything else in their entire lives. Their eyes trained on mine to erase any doubt I have.

"Okay," I say, stepping in front of Milo who's in the middle, and extending my arms to cup Cas's and Aiden's faces. Milo gently rubs his face against my stomach and the other two nuzzle my hands.

"Who wants to go first?"