The summer season is the hottest season where to some people it's the hated season but to some it's a blessing, and there is me who is in both.
Past summers are usually the most hated boring days for me, it's hot and all you do is dip in water to cool down, then complain all over again on why summer existed.
But during summer, my mom has all these prepared vacations and plans for all of us in the family to enjoy and spend time together after being busy almost a year in school.
It was a sunny morning breakfast when my father told me about her. That's the first time I've stayed longer than usual while sitting on the dining table.
To hear every detail about hate that I can't get if I'll ask.
He said she's not literally part of the scholars who passed the assessment but you're in the summer job program, and I don't know but somehow it made me really happy knowing at least you'll earn money.
I don't know, I've neve been so understanding but when I saw the desperation of you wanting the scholarship, I thought that she is not financially well. So hearing that you'll earn a small amount of money made me happy.
The thing is it is really weird that my father tells of his public service achievements during our family breakfast, but I'm glad he did because I felt like little by little I am getting to know her.
My mother asked me about how my papers and requirements were but I haven't answered clearly because my mind is clouded by the thought of seeing her to personally see her reaction that she is part of the summer job programs.
It feels like I want to congratulate her but at the same time I feel weird for having this urge to come and see her.
Probably also it's already too late to celebrate for getting in because you've already started a week ago.
But still, why does my heart ache to see you now? Why does my heart yearn to see your face and reaction to getting the job?
Why am I imagining seeing your face but this time with relief and high hopes not the other way with desperation and begging?
Everyone is already suspecting me for staying at my father's office but I disregarded them all, let them think whatever they wanted to think.
I feel like changing because of you, Joey.
Is it a good change? I don't know but I know one thing is that I could feel the love in summer whenever I thought and saw you.
A week has passed since I visited my father's office daily and there's never been an interaction between us.
You're too busy to give a time about me, but I'm okay with that.
Atleast I get to glance and stare at you while busy arranging the papers on the front desk table.
And I thanked heaven and the angels when I saw you entering the pantry. It was nerve wracking and heart wrenching.
My physical body had frozen up on my spot but my eyes are fixed to you.
You never saw me staring at you. That's why you just walk directly on the water dispenser.
Lunch time everyone is having their own set of table and delicious food, and I am having my mine also. But the kare-kare is way more appealing to you, to see you slowly drink from your water bottle and wipe your mouth using the neckline of your shirt.
Candy. You eat one piece of red candy after drinking and then walk out. My gaze followed you all the way out with confusion. It seems like you don't have a plan to eat at that time.
My hands are tightly holding my spoon and fork, and I'm biting my lips to release this feeling of me to follow you and ask you if you already have eaten.
I'm having second thoughts for so many reasons.
First, we're not really close and probably you only know me as the jerk son of Gov Boni.
Second, I am questioning myself why I am bothered with the fact that you did not eat. We're not even friends!
It broke. My only sanity broke when I saw myself standing up holding the paper plate box with my two hands.
I haven't opened this one yet. Maybe you'll like Torta and rice as your lunch today.
Lunchtime and everyone is on break but here you are Joey, working and trying to finish the tasks that were given to you.
You're definitely not an ordinary girl, your actions screams on how good you are in focusing and completing tasks. And that's where the determination comes from.
Shocked. Confusion. Those are the right words to describe you when you saw how I placed the food exactly on the top of those piled up papers in front of you.
"Bakit po, Sir?" You asked.
It was not a question what I put, but a question of why I put that there. Fuck! I'm out of words!
"Hindi ka pa kumakain."
Not a question but a statement sounding like an accusation so that you'll admit that you really haven't eaten yet and you'll thank me then I'll go. I'm not yet ready for long conversations or interaction with you. It's just that you feel like the heat made by the bright light in the sky. It still hurts to meet you under my skin.
"Kumain na po ako Sir."
"You only ate a piece of candy."
Did I hit the right spot? Are you like the mouse who fell into a trap? You're like a predator slowly crawling and deceiving you're prey, but it wont work on me. Before the predators attacks, the prey senses.
How could you be so calm?
How could you put on a formal face while I am here? My insides are crumbling waiting for you to answer.
Just get the food and I'll go.
At Least in that we'll be both at peace and would go back to our own business.
You're hesitating to hold the food, but I know you'll always be determined and persistent to the things you need. And right now you need food to eat.
I exited myself when I saw your hands meeting the paper plate, and I think that was my cue to leave. But while walking I realized I look like a weirdo and dumb for leaving you without saying anything. Am I really good at leaving you with hanging actions?
It was never my intention to leave you with the food.
It was an escape for my growing fondness back then to you.
I'm still confused about what I feel but there's this reason I can't name that keeps me from visiting the main office everyday.
And thinking of it now, I realized that I'm starting to like her then.
Maybe a little too late to realize but I'm happy that I actually did recognize it along the journey and did not fight off it.
Joey, maybe it was confusing to you on why I became nice and concerned myself with other people if they already ate.
It's just never my intention and not me. I was confused with my thoughts and emotions, it was all because of you why I started to question myself.
I wanted to blame her for beautifully just sitting out there while arranging the files.
I wanted to blame you on how you look simple with your white flower printed shirt and black leggings with white doll shoes.
I wanted to blame you on how you answered Mara during an argument.
I wanted to blame you on how you show your small smile whenever the person you're talking to says something nice.
Just your simplicity makes me go wild and mad.
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