There's a myth about summer's drops of rain during summer season: when the first droplets pour, you need to be soaked so that for the rest of the summer you'll never be hurt and cry for the next rainy season. Bundok Arayat is surrounded by clouds at its zenith, but still the beauty of it never fades. It would hide for a while but just like the sun, the clouds could never hide it forever.
And like my love for her it could never be forgotten.
Whenever she's with me, I am at my tragic yet vulnerable self like the stars during a night where the light has never been actually seen by the naked and bare eyes. It was not a feeling where poetry and prose could meet the sensation I felt when she smiled at me.
What do I need to sacrifice so that she'll stay with me for my whole life?
My heart is racing yet so calm whenever I meet her eyes. She always makes sure I am smiling when Riuela asks me how I'm preparing to leave. I don't want to go, and it makes me cry to know that I'll leave everything what we have all behind.
Riuela slapped me when I asked her if I could retreat on my plan of studying in London. She already know that I fucked up and was drowned by the crazy thing of mostly people experienced, love. I told her the reason and for the first time I begged the most powerful woman in the whole Pampanga, to let me be with you.
To continue what we have started in that summer time.
She was mad at me for being a fool to believe that we have such love. No love could be built in that short amount of time, she spat on me with those disgrace written on her eyes. But who am I to know if what we have is real and love when after all these years I still miss you.
It was risky to love you, dear.
I have to gamble all of me just to have you. But what about you? Can you spend all what you have just to have me?
Can we still call it love even if everything around is against us?
Aren't we too young to be this reckless and be a slave of love?
Believe me I could do it, I told you when I say that I am willing to be on your side forever and would hold your hand whenever all the scholarships and opportunities out there would reject you. And for the first time you slapped me and looked at me unbelievably to those whom I adored so much.
Have you forgotten when I told you how they look so happy when you genuinely smile? Were you really so mad at this time? That you spit my love with disgust and madness. My heart is shaking and my mind is in chaos, don't hurt me with your words.
They mean so much to me. Just be with me, and we'll be in bliss.
"Nasabi ko sayo wag mo akong pahirapan!" She shouted at me while tears streaming down on her face.
She keeps on punching my chest and hitting me on any part of my body.
"Hindi mo ako iniisip!" She cried while slowly slipping to the ground.
I hugged her. "I'm sorry."
That's the only thing we know. Sorry. Sorry for loving her. Sorry for being in love. Sorry for being you. Sorry. Sorry because I am so in love with you. Sorry because I am willing to destroy my own world just to have you. Sorry for making it difficult for you.
Sorry because I love you.
We became desperate for the things we only want. We became selfish and selfless to the people we love. Do the summers ache during the time we fought in the morning? Have you ever understood what love is?
She doesn't cry easily but I made her do it. And I think I am the worst for hurting her. But we made up, haven't we? But it was never the same. The Mula de Braganza still reminds me of what we have, the things we do and things we never did.
I'll always think about it and the things that did not happen. I'll always look for the road we did not take. We did not risk it forever.
Does your heart still remember the summer we have?
It's been years, my Joey. Life has put me down many times and I still know you like the flowers I gave to you that morning. I always do because, I just do.
Everything still reminds me of you. Especially before, during, and after summer.
Just tell me.
And we could always go back, just the two of us dancing under the summer sun with the daylight shining on our face as we communicated with our eyes and soul that in this lifetime there would only be you and us.
Like the first drop of the tears that had fell down on my face,
Like the roots of the trees buried on the ground,
Like the first time I looked into your eyes smiling with my heart,
What could happen if things were different back then? Would I still look back with so much pain and rain on the days that we had?
My Joey, how do I remove this pain and still not remember your smile?
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