The City of San Fernando became part of my summer routine. When the summer bleeds like me, it would be wounded and probably, later on would leave a scar. There's so much going on in the city, the summer heat is cooperating during the peak season in one of the busiest cities in the province.
With the absence of clouds, it gave us the brightest view of Bundok Arayat, the only proud mountain of our kind. The beautiful mountain which I've only seen on the side where it is facing me. But it was already enough to see it far and appreciate her entire being silently.
As the saying goes, you could appreciate this kind of thing only a few meters away from it.
The zenith of the mountain is the first thing you would notice, the sleeping lady naturally shaped with arms on her chest and the knee slightly elevated on the lower part. I've always heard the folklore about the beautiful deity residing on the silent mountain.
But it still felt like the first time hearing it with you.
"Chinchismis na tayo dito sa office,"
"Why?"
"Lagi mo ako dinadaldalan sa workplace ko eh!"
"Pabren mula." With an accent.
"Sira ka ba. Ayaw ko ng gulo. Pero seryoso, bakit mo kasi ako kinakausap?"
"Lagi ba dapat may dahilan?"
I will and would always risk everything just to make it feel like the first time everything again. The first time when our eyes met, our first conversation, our first simple date, and our first kiss.
Joey, my heart is breaking so much right now just thinking of you. I want it all back, just like on the day when we ride the hot air balloon with our nervous hearts. It was our first interaction that led us to what we had that whole summer.
We were both happy. I was so happy with you. I've never been in love, and this might be the last time I would be. I wanna hear your voice, your smile, your thoughts and everything in you, I want to feel them again.
Two months. Just two months. And here I am after so many years reminiscing everything in full detail with the flicker of hope in my eyes.
It was crazy to think that I would die for you, dear.
Gov Boni asked me again about her. It was still evident in her voice and words on how much he is fond of her. He is not hard to please, and with his heart that is full of kindness and gentleness, he was good to all the people.
I replied that we were friends. That is the normal and overrated thing to say for what we have. We casually talk every weekday and sometimes meet up on weekends, and spend our time stitching our strings of fate together at the same moment.
He was pleased that I am interacting with a human being, not my books, my room, my darkest thoughts and my summer flings. A human being who could take my soul in a new world and teach me so many things that I never knew existed. A human being who taught me that summer love always ends after summer time.
"I told you she's a nice lady, and I'm glad you're learning something from her."
It was obvious that Gov Boni was mocking me for judging her on the first few days. He was never wrong on his judgements and instincts from people he met, that's the perks of having a lot of acquaintances. And being part of the public service, he needs to be keen and close to his people, and he must tell the needs of people on the way it handles itself with just one look.
Despite everything, I must obviously say that I really did learn from her, it was something that you can't learn from anyone else. It was a learning for a lifetime, that you'll get the whole forever to understand it.
It just gets better when I'm with her. And I don't even know why her mere presence is enough for me to feel that in time everything will fall into place peacefully. We were young and unaware of our actions, but one thing is something, is that with her I am ready to dance in the summer storm in May with our faded shirts and old slippers.
It was a sunny morning when I decided to ask you if you would come with Mara to the upcoming Hot Air Balloon Festival, and you said you wouldn't come. And I asked why, and you replied you hated luxury fancy events that wastes money just for temporary happiness.
She used to joke about not coming to the festivities that will happen on the end of April, but she never did. She came and we watched together all those big things always flew as they turned into our visions of the smallest things. And I thought you should know that I am happy you came; it was never boring.
"Why do you need the scholarships?"
"Mahirap kami. Wala kaming pera, at naiiyak ako sa katotohanang wala kaming pera at hanggang doon na lang yung buhay ko at pamilya ko."
"I'm sorry if I acted like a jerk at that time."
"Okay lang. Ganun naman talaga eh. Ine-expect ko na na hindi mo ako tutulungan pero naglakas loob pa rin ako na lapitan ka. Kahit imposible, umaasa ako na tutulungan mo ako. Iyon na 'yon. Huling hataw ko na iyon, konting-konti na lang sukong-suko na ako. Pagod na akong maging mahirap.
"Kahit anong kayod ko, ganun pa rin eh. Kahit magtrabaho ako at pagbutihan pag-aaral ko, hindi kami umalis sa pagiging mahirap. Tang Inang buhay 'to. Guston kong sisihan magulang ko. Gusto ko sisihan lahat ng bagay sa mundo kung bakit kailangan kong mag kahirapan para lang naranasan ko ang kaginhawaan ng buhay."
And that's the thing about the difference of how we viewed the world. For her, the world was very cruel and difficult, but for me the life in the world is the way my parents want it. To her, there's no such thing as spending time on luxury things and events.
Because she never experienced it in the first place. She was born with the reality of working hard in everything she does.
She always was envious of me, that's what she said. But I don't know if she is envious because I am a man or because I'm the opposite of what she has. I wish I had her determination of honesty to tell me that she is mad at me because I am what she isn't.
Realizations hit me when I think that we were never made at each other because of the material things we have but because of the opposite reactions and actions that we gave that we wish we have also that on each of us.
We were bound to meet each other to fill those things that we lack. Even if we came in different projections, you fulfill the emptiness of my determination, directions and purpose in life. While you, you were so focused on achieving everything that you forgot to feel the process and enjoy it.
Summer had sprung in so many branches of different flowers towards our one heart. We still love to talk about life and how we both hate it, but still you would always remind me to use all my resources to achieve all the things I want.
But I don't like fancy stuff. Instead, I want you to fancy me in all your dreams and nightmares.
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