Saving You | BWS-RSO FF

Chapter 9 - An Unspoken Promise

Music: Lost Without You by Freya Ridings

He caught me. I haven't even figured out how to tell him and when. But, right there, he stood right in front of me with fear in his eyes. He's breathless like he ran all the way to where I was. He stood there, his eyes looking at me. Those eyes that reminded me of how he was a few years ago whenever he would leave the dark room. Those eyes that only had fear in them every time another round of fighting would happen. It's those eyes that made me understand that I needed to save him. After years of trying my best to not hurt him, it happens again. Those eyes are back.

And, right now, in the car on our way home, the old Anton is back.

"Anton." I call him softly.

He doesn't look at me. "Mm?"

"Anton, please." I say but he still doesn't meet my eyes.

"We'll talk at home." He says, his voice cold.

Biting the inside of my bottom lip, I look outside and watch as the night sky consumes us. It feels cold in this car. No matter how close we are to each other, at this moment, I feel so far away from him. It's like he's miles away from me and I don't know how to reach him. I turn towards him and he's still looking outside while his hands are intertwined together on his lap.

The drive home was long and hard. It was the longest that we had not talked to each other. Every time we would go home together, he would always ask about my day and I'd do the same. He would ask if I had too many meetings today and if it took too much from me. He would ask about the people I encountered today and if they were of any interest to me. He would ask so much about my day that it was like he was there with me. And, I loved that about him. But the car ride was quiet and heavy. The air was thick and it was hard to breathe.

He opens the car door for me and I thought he would talk to me but he only has his head down. As the door closes behind me, the car drives away and we're the only ones left. Anton walks to the front door and enters the lock before it beeps. He motions for me to enter and I do so. Again, his gaze down to the floor.

When I hear the door click behind me, I stop in my tracks so I could look at Anton but he already has his back turned to me as he passes me to the living room leaving me here.

"Anton.." I trail off but he already stops walking.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, his back still turned to me.

I try to take a step forward but the atmosphere feels like I shouldn't and stops me..

"I wanted to tell you."

"They, why didn't you?" He asks again, his voice strained and low.

A tear falls from my eye and I wipe it away. "I didn't know how."

"How long have you known?"

"Just a few days." I take a step towards him. "Anton, I didn't know how to tell you."

"You could have just said it." Anton says.

He turns to face me and his jaw is clenched and his eyes are bloodshot. All this time that he was looking down, he was hiding the tears from his eyes.

"I didn't want to worry you, Anton." I say, my voice almost to a whisper.

"Worry me?" Anton asks, his voice rising slightly. "What do you think would worry me? Telling me or keeping it from me?"

"Anton, I-" He cuts me off.

"How long were you planning to keep it from me?" He asks, his hands clenched to his sides. "Were you even going to tell me?

My hand covers my mouth to hide the sobs that could leave my lips.

"If I didn't overhear your conversation with the doctor, were you even planning to tell me?" He points to the door, tears still streaming down his face as he speaks.

"I didn't want to hide it from you." I say, my voice now strained. "I just thought that maybe I could handle it on my own for now."

"Handle it on your own?!" He yells, the pain evident in his voice.

My whole body shakes from his voice. I've never heard him like this before. He always spoke so low and calm that the Anton in front of me is the Anton from so many years back. The person in front of me is the same boy I found in the corner of the room – frightened and in pain.

"Anton, please." I plead for him to calm down but he doesn't change.

"Handle it on your own?" He repeats, his voice broken and weak. "We pr-We promised to be together through sickness and in health."

I look down to the floor because how he's looking at me is breaking my heart. "I just didn't want to ruin everything we've built."

"Moon!" He yells again, his voice breaking from the pain. "Everything we built is nothing without you!"

My gaze turns to him and he looks so broken and destroyed. His eyes are bloodshot and the tears are not stopping from streaming. He looks away from me and drops to the floor. His head falls to his hands and he cries there. His sobs fill the room and I feel my heart ripping apart as I hear him. His body trembles and he tries to catch his breath but his emotions overtake him.

"Anton.." I trail off as I kneel down in front of him, the distance between us getting heavier. "Please, look at me."

"Moon.." He pauses to catch his breath. "I can't lose you."

My heart breaks even more and I stay here like this.

His eyes meet mine and I can't stand the sight of him like this. I never wanted to hurt him. All I wanted was to find the right time and moment so that all of this wouldn't be for nothing. I never wanted it to be like this.

"I can't lose you." He cries out, his voice low. "You're all I have, Moon."

Standing, I walk towards him and kneel down so I can reach him. Cupping his face, he tries to turn away.

"Anton." I say as I pull his face gently to look at me. "Please, look at me."

He nods as he cries. "I can't lose you."

Our sobs are now filling the room and my heart breaks for him. "Please, my love, look at me."

He lifts his hands to hold my waist, his touch felt like anchor grounding his emotions to me. I can feel every pain and every cry from his touch.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I say as my thumbs wipe away the sorrow in his eyes. "I didn't want to keep it from you. I just didn't know how to tell you. Please, understand me, my love."

He doesn't say anything. He just pulls me in for a hug and we stay like this. On this floor, our tears flowed freely and fell to the ground. All the emotions we kept bottled on our way here, we release from its cage right now. Anton grips onto the back of my coat and his touch is a plaster that tries so hard to cure the sickness I have. His touch tells me I won't do this alone. This is his way of telling me that even in the darkest moment, I won't be alone in this fight. It was a touch filled with unspoken promises, a silent vow that he will stand by me and we will try to weather this together.