Saving You | BWS-RSO FF

Chapter 18 - I See You, Moon

Music: Lost Without You by Freya Ridings

I saw how it hurt her. I saw how the chemo took too much of her. No matter how much she tried to be strong for me, her sickness showed and it worsened as time went on.

Moon stays laying on the couch as she watches a movie she discovered a few days ago. One of the nurses in the hospital talked about how this was the talk of the town and it was a must-watch one. It's about a girl who took notes for her friend about her crush. She promised to tell her everything she found out so she wouldn't be lost in the loop. Her friend returns and everything doesn't go the way they planned.

The story made me believe why it was the talk of the town. Everyone longs for a love story as cheesy as this and I don't blame them. But, what affected me the most was how the movie ended. After everything, they never saw each other and all that was left was a video made for her. This isn't the life I want for Moon. I don't want her life to be filled with "what if's" and "I wish". I want her life to be filled with stories of everything she did right and everything she tried to live her life to the fullest. I want her to look back and see that there was nothing she missed.

As she stays laying on the couch, I see her trying to lift her head but her body is too weak. Sadness starts to fill her eyes and I run to her to not let that happen.

"Moon-a." I call her. "What are you watching?"

"20th Century Girl." She says as she tries to mask her weakness by fixing the pillow under her head. "The nurse said this is nice so I wanted to see for myself."

Sitting beside her, I lift her head and place it on my lap. "I want to watch with you."

She smiles before nuzzling in and making herself comfortable. Looking down at her, I see goosebumps rising on her skinny arm. Pulling the blanket up, she thanks me by tapping on my knee and we continue to watch the movie together.

"I like your beanie." I say as I appreciate the black cloth covering her head.

Due to chemo, Moon has lost her hair in the process. Her once lustrous hair fell out in clumps, leaving her scalp bare and vulnerable, a reminder of the war she has long fought. Despite the physical discomfort and emotional upheaval, she remained steadfast in her determination to fight for her life. Her eyes, once clouded with fear and uncertainty, now shone with acceptance.

"Thank you, Anton." She says as she caresses my knee with her thumb. "Thank you for staying with me through this."

Smiling, I feel my heart lighten. "Always, Moon."

There are days when I can't enter her hospital room because I see her crying through the small window on the door. She would have her head down as she stayed there pouring her heart out. I can feel the heaviness she tries so hard to suppress just to show me she's alright. But, she's not alright. She's far from alright.

Somedays, I would spend my time in the office when Moon says she doesn't want me around to see what's happening. As much as I try to convince her that I don't mind, she still insists. After a few minutes of back and forth with her, I give in and leave her be. When this happens, I'll be in the office just trying to make sense of it all.

As the sun began its descent, casting a warm glow on the city, I sit alone in my office. The city hums faintly as it seeps through my closed window but I don't let it bother me. My thoughts are heavy, clouded by the weight of Moon and how her condition is going.

Leaning back in my chair, I run a hand through my hair and I see my reflection on the glass – my eyes tired and weary. I just can't shake the thought of Moon lying on the hospital bed, her face pale and skeletal, her eyes always filled with pain and exhaustion. It breaks my heart, seeing her suffering so much. I knew she was trying her best to be strong for the both of us. Putting on a brave face, but I could see right through her. I can see the pain in her eyes and the way she hides her weakness away. I can see the fear in her eyes as it mirrors mine. It tears me apart that I can't do anything to take it away.

"I can see, Moon." I whisper to myself, my voice barely audible in this quiet room. "I can see you, Moon. You don't have to hide it from me."

I wipe a tear from my eye, my heart heavy. I know this journey won't be easy and it's far from being over. But, as long as we are together, we can do something about it. This partnership with Pavel will be the key. I just need time. I pray the universe would just give me a few more to get this.

With my heart heavy in my chest, I stare at the city in front of me. The only thing in this world I need is power to heal her. I need power to find a way to save her. And, power is not something I can just get so easily.