Just The Benefits (PUBLISHED)

Kabanata 24

#JustTheBenefits

Kabanata 24 

Hindi ako nagsalita hanggang sa matapos si Quin sa pakikipag-usap niya kay Parker. I stood there and absorbed everything he had to say. Hindi naman ako tanga... alam ko na ngayon. Alam ko na ngayon na mahalaga si Bianca sa buhay ni Parker—important enough to risk losing me.

I stayed there and waited for him to finish talking to him. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko nagawang makinig sa usapan nila na ni hindi man lang nagsasalita. I had too many questions to ask him... Nasaan ba talaga siya? Pumapasok pa ba siya sa school? Sino ba talaga si Bianca Agustin? I wanted to know the answers but I can't even ask the questions. Pakiramdam ko kasi wala akong karapatan na tanungin. Pakiramdam ko kasi, ako rin 'yung masasaktan kapag nalaman ko.

They were just protecting me but didn't they think they were just delaying the inevitable?

Nung matapos si Quin na kausapin si Parker, nandun pa rin ako at nakatayo. He was surprised when he saw me and I didn't even make the situation any easier for him. I won't act like I didn't hear anything when in fact, I heard everything I needed to hear.

"Imo..." he said.

I braced myself. I had to ask this. I had to ask this for myself... para alam ko kung aasa pa ba ako kay Parker o kung kailangan na talaga naming tigilan ito. If we were just playing this game, then I didn't want to play anymore. I already lost all I had to give; the stakes were too damn low for me. I was just playing a losing game.

"Do you care about me? Kahit konti lang?" I asked him.

He nodded almost immediately. "Of course. Bakit mo natanong 'yan?"

I smiled—just a little because it's everything I could afford right now. "Then be honest with me, Quin. Sino si Bianca Agustin?"

I waited for an answer, I waited for just anything. Kilala niya si Bianca, sigurado ako. I have heard silent talks, whispers, and hushes about her. Kahit hindi ko pa siya nakikita, ramdam na ramdam ko ang presensya niya. It's like she's everywhere... Ni hindi ko pa siya nakikita pero grabe na ang nagagawa niya sa buhay ko. Pakiramdam ko dapat na talaga akong kabahan.

"Quin, sino siya?" I asked, my voice almost pleading.

He looked so torn. Alam ko na nahihirapan din siya. Kaibigan niya si Parker... at alam ko na may pakielam din naman siya sa akin. It was a hard decision to make but I just wanted to be out of the dark. Gusto ko lang naman malaman kung ano ang totoo...

"Quin, please..."

He sighed. "Hindi ko rin siya kilala..." he answered.

"Pero sabi mo pinsan mo siya..." I said and then bit my lower lip. "You lied."

Hindi siya nakasagot. Tinignan niya ako. He betrayed me and we both know it. We both knew where his loyalty lies and we were just pretending that we didn't. Matagal ko ng alam na pinagtatakpan niya si Parker pero nagpanggap ako na hindi ko alam... kasi ayoko rin namang malaman dati.

"I was just trying to protect you—"

"Sino siya?" I asked again. Hindi ko na kailangan ng paliwanag niya. Hindi naman nun maaalis iyong katotohanan na niloko niya ako—nila. Sino pa ba ang nakakaalam kung sino si Bianca? Alam din ba nila Emma? Kaya ba gulat na gulat sila nung pinakilala ako ni Parker dahil all along, alam nila na si Bianca ang girlfriend?

Bakit ba napapaligiran ako ng mga sinungaling?

"Si Parker na lang ang tanungin mo," he said. "It's not my secret to tell, Imo. Please, 'wag ka naman sa aking magalit..." he continued but I was too pissed off to listen to any of his explanations. I gave him a smile and turned around. Ayoko muna siyang kausap; ayoko siyang makita. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. A part of me wanted to just end everything and breakup with Parker but it didn't feel right...