Obsessed

Pain.

Song for this chapter: Runaways by All Time Low.

Trigger warning- please do not read if you are easily triggered.
Remember I love you random citizen!

Pain...

When somebody loses their mind, it doesn't happen straight away. It's like carving something out of stone, chipping bit by bit off until the sculpture is finished. That's what it's like. A slow process. Slow painful process.

Illness effects people differently.
Like colds for example.
Imagine depression as something simple like a cold.
Not everyone is going to have the same side effects.
Not everyone is going to feel the same type of pain.
That's why a lot of people go undiagnosed.

I've never had the best health. As a child I was forever down the doctors clinic, being poked or prodded. Getting this tablet or that pill. Never once in my life have I had a month without some new sort of medication. I sort of got used to it after a while. The monthly blood tests. The monthly check ups. The constant down fall of my health. At about the age of 17 the doctors just gave up. Decided I wasn't worth it. I was never going to get better.

After my physical health had dropped to rock bottom, my mental health soon followed.
The never ending voices.
Teasing.
Torturing.
Never going away.
Never leaving me alone.
My mum wanted to go back to the doctors but I never saw the point. They were just going to put me on some new medication. Tell me I was going to be better soon. But I will never get better.

Even as I child I've had this fear of being left behind.
Forgotten.
And that's exactly how I feel when my friends are out there enjoying themselves or my family goes out without me.
It just drags down my mood.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Until I feel like my mood couldn't drop anymore. But guess what?
It does.
When you are always trying to work around the endless doctors appointments your friends get bored and usually plan something without you. And when you are finally free, they are usually busy.
With their endless dance classes.
Or fitness clubs.
Sometimes I wish that I could be one of the normal children. The healthy ones. The ones that don't have to plan around the thousands of doctors appointments or carry around at least 10 different tablets, therefore making it look like you are on drugs.
When in reality, the person is just so ill, if they don't take the correct tablet at an exact time of the day every day they will most likely end up hospitalised.
Sometimes I just wish the pain would go away.

A/N

I'm on a roll today, probably because I'm supposed to be doing revision.
Oops.

Vote, comment, blah, blah, blah...

Love, newts_fangirlxx

Edited- 20/06/16