Obsessed

Disappointment.

Song for this chapter: Tear In My Heart by Twenty one Pilots.

Trigger warning- please do not read if you are easily triggered.
Remember I love you random citizen!

Disappointment...

A lot of people have looked at me in disappointment before but never my siblings. I don't think I can bare to have them look at me like that again.
My parents in the other hand, they always look at me in disappointment. For example when I came out to them. They aren't homophobic as such, they are just traditional. They feel like I should finish school with good grades, go to university, get a good job, get a husband and have children.

Looking back I realise I barely did anything they wanted me to. I mean yes I did get good grades and go to university but that is where the similarities stop.
I didn't even get a boyfriend, much less a husband.

I did try to please people as much as I could.
Like as I child I took up dance lessons to please my mum, I started to playing to clarinet.
I did everything I could to make them happy.
But it was never enough.
There was always something that was wrong. Something wrong with me. So that I was never the perfect child they wanted me to be.
They pushed me so much to accomplish what they want because my brother and sister didn't achieve high enough for their liking.
So me being their last resort I was pushed into doing a lot of extra curricular activities.
So when they find out that their daughter isn't going to be the person they wanted her to be, all hell broke loose.
When I didn't get good grades I got told off and grounded, imagine what it was like when I told them I wasn't going to university for a few years, that I wasn't going to be bringing home a boy but a girl instead.
I would rather be grounded then practically disowned.

After packing my bags and leaving at eighteen I hoped I wouldn't have to see them again. I mean they did kick me out of the house for being a 'disappointment' so I was praying they would just leave me alone for like the rest of my life, but sadly not all dreams come true.

They somehow wriggled their way back into my life when I was 20, convinced me to go to university. So I did, just to please them. However once my life started to fall apart again, they left it for the second time. Not wanting a failure as a daughter.
On the other hand they did pay all of my university fees. So who am I to complain.

The only time I saw them after that was when my dear old father decided to submit me to a mental hospital.

My sister didn't turn out like them, she was the most caring and loving person to exist. She accepted the choices I decided to make and supported me when I needed the most. Not abandon me or when things got tough throw me into a mental home.

My brother turned out okay too. Maybe sometimes he was judgmental but he would never voice his opinions, in fear of offending someone. He also supported me through the tough times.

So tired.
Tired of life.
Of the pain.
Of betrayal.
I want it all to go away forever.

I want to go away forever.

A/N

Urgh.
I have no comment.

Vote, comment, blah, blah, blah...

Love, newts_fangirlxx