Casualty of Love: Turning Tables

You're Crazy, You Know

That night when I went back to the common room, I was on high alert. The nerves I was experiencing all day had turned into something else -- something not far from adrenaline. I didn't know what to do with myself so I thought I'd go and lie down in my bed until I knew something was up.

But lying there, thinking of my fate and my friends fates and Draco's fate, I was restless. My heart was beating so hard that I could swear it was actually shaking the bed. I reached my hand in my pocket and pulled out the potion Draco had given me earlier. I turned it over it my hand repeatedly, wondering who I would become if I took it.

I heard the door open but I didn't look up to see who it was until I heard someone shout, "Allie!" I looked up and locked eyes with Ginny.

"Look, I didn't know if you'd want to help because...you know...but Harry wants us to patrol the corridors because he's convinced something will happen tonight..."

"I'll help," I said without hesitation.

"Really?" she asked, shocked.

"Of course. Look, I don't know what's going to happen tonight but I know it's something bad. Draco gave me this Polyjuice potion and told me to take it if I helped you guys so no one would know it was me...to protect me," I explained, not looking at her, instead I studied the potion below me.

"Okay then. Hold off on that potion for a few minutes and come with me. We need to explain to everyone...," she said, grabbing my arm and dragging me with her.

After explaining to everyone that something was, indeed, going to happen tonight (though I left out the part about the Death Eaters), I took not only my potion but also a miniscule amount of Harry's Felix Felicus. Afterwards, I set off with Hermione and Luna to patrol the corridor where Snape's office was located.

It was quiet for awhile...a long while...but eventually, Professor Flitwick ran down into the dungeons shouting about Death Eaters being in the castle. Panic took over then. It had started.

Professor Snape came outside in a hurry, though he told us to go and help Flitwick who'd collapsed on the floor of his office. I knew better though. As soon as Snape was out of sight, I ran after him. Even if he had looked back at me, all he would have seen was a little girl following after him.

When I got to the point when the corridor I was currently racing down intersected with the corridor that led to the Astronomy tower, I heard the noise of people struggling and curses being shouted.

I ran towards the fight, catching Ginny's eye for only a second, she was ducked on the ground, before she got up and ran towards the action once more. I followed and noticed one big Death Eater, who I'd never seen before, firing off hexes and curses left and right. I fired a hex towards him and it missed him by an inch; Lupin noticed me and looked back, his brow furrowing for a split second before turning back towards the big guy. No doubt he was confused about not only the fact that a little girl was here fighting but that I knew a hex that no first year could possibly dream of doing.

I had only been there for what seemed like a few seconds -- though it was more likely to be a few minutes -- when the big Death Eater fired off a curse that caused the ceiling to fall in and lo and behold, a piece came down and hit me right on the head.

I fell to the floor. My vision was going black and I was slipping out of consciousness. I could hear sounds fading in and out. At one point I thought I heard someone saying, "It's over." After that, my eyes fluttered open and, though my vision was still black around the edges, I saw a few Death Eaters fighting their way towards the voice who'd announced that it was over.

I vaguely noticed Elijah and Nehemiah, who were not throwing any curses, just sprinting through the crowd of people, and my grandfather merely walked fast out of the fight, shielding lazily a few times along the way.

I reached up to the top of my head which was throbbing, and felt something wet and sticky. I put my tiny and unfamiliar hand in front of my face and could make out a veil of blood that was covering my hand where I had touched my head. I tried to stand but, after lifting my head up, I fell back down. The ceiling above me was spinning.

I felt someone pick me up and carry me off somewhere. I didn't know who it was and frankly, I didn't care. I let the darkness consume me and I was unconscious again -- blissfully so.

My eyelids fluttered open once more, only this time I was staring at the stark white ceiling of the hospital wing. I felt of my head and it was matted with dry blood and the agonizing throb was gone, replaced by a mild headache. I looked at my hands and realized that they were back to normal size -- I was myself again.

I heard someone talking...it sounded like Ginny. She said, "Ron...Dumbledore's dead." I shot up at those words. A sob caught in my throat but I didn't let it consume me. Not this time.

I put my hands in my head after hearing that Snape had done it. Draco didn't have to kill him after all. Immediately after that thought ran through my head, I let the sobs consume me. How could I possibly be relieved that Draco wasn't a murderer when Dumbledore had still been killed? How dare I feel relieved!

I could have done something to stop this -- I should have. But I didn't. I might as well have been the one to kill him. After a few minutes of my sulking, I spoke up, over everyone else in the room. "It's my fault!"

Lupin looked at me sadly. "It's not your fault--"

I threw my head in my hands to sheild my eyes from everyone elses, and I spoke through them. "No, it is! I knew this was going to happen. I've known for months. I thought that if I told Dumbledore what was going on -- that he was in danger -- maybe he would be able to stop it. I went and told him and he said that he already knew that Draco was assigned to kill him... He said he had it under control and that I was -- that I was brave for coming forward! I wasn't brave at all! I've been a coward. I thought that everything would be fine since Dumbledore wasn't worried about it... I just didn't know what to do...

"Then, this morning, Draco came to me with Polyjuice Potion and told me to take it if I decided to fight against the Death Eaters so that I wouldn't be found out. If he hadn't given it to me...," I shook my head bitterly. "The Death Eaters would know that I wasn't on their side... They would know that I knew too much. And...and you should know that Draco didn't want to do this at all. Voldemort was taking out his anger towards Lucius on Draco and he threatened his life...and his parent's lives...and my life," I said, choking out those last words. "I was scared. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to die..."

I finally looked up to see everyone gaping at me. It was Tonks who finally spoke. "Why didn't you tell your parents? They were feeding us information they found out through your grandfather..."

"I didn't want to put them at risk also! I didn't want anyone else to be put in my place... It was agonizing knowing that information."

"How did You-Know-Who even know to threaten you to get Draco to comply?" Tonks asked.

"Snape," I said simply.

"Snape?"

"Snape caught them together during 4th year. He must've let it slip to You-Know-Who," Ginny explained. I gave her a look filled with my thanks.

"Well, I think it should be first on our list to get you and your family into hiding. We have no idea what might come out now that this is over--" Lupin began.

"No. I have to make up for this. This was my fault. And they had no idea that I was out there. I'm going to go home and act like everything is fine. My parents will continue to feed you information, only this time I'll tell them what I know."

"Allie, no one expects you to do that. You're just a child," Lupin said.

"I'm 17 years old! I'm a legal adult. Listen, now that Snape has publically chosen his side, I'm the best insider you have. My lousy grandfather is one of Voldemort's favorites and Draco tells me everything. As does Nehemiah, another Death Eater. Just...let me do this. It's the least I can do," I said, my tone finalizing it. I wasn't looking to argue.

Ginny walked over to me with her arms out, wrapping me in a hug. I cried into her shirt while Lupin, Tonks, and Ron's parents, who'd just arrived, discussed it. "You're crazy, you know," Ginny said, rubbing her hands over my hair.

"I know," I said, smiling feebly.

Crazy or not, I'd just agreed to be one of the most dangerous jobs there is. Double agent.