Heartbeats

Chapter 7: His heart behind the door

It was a dance of dimmed lights and of shadows, after the chairs were put away and the brightest of lights were turned off. It was a dance when she had already taken her shoes off and he had already had his coat hanging on some chair around them.

They danced without music, their steps guided with Gavril's mild humming and the rhythm of their beating hearts. They danced with no audience around to judge them and no one to watch them.

She only saw him and he only saw her.

He hummed, his lips slightly moved with forgotten lyrics, sometimes with a word or two slipping out. The sound vibrated from within his chest and she could feel it very distinctively as she laid her head against it. She closed her eyes, soothed by the familiar song. She knew this song from her childhood. She had watched the animated movie with her brother a long time ago. She could not remember the title, but there was a girl and something about cinder.

"Cinderella." Gavril answered with a chuckle, it was only then that Sasha realized that she was thinking out loud.

"I'd never imagine you'd watch something like that."

"Celeste liked that movie. She forced Borian and me to watch it with her."

Sasha just nodded, then continued to snuggle towards him as he swayed with her. There were no complicated steps or fancy choreography. They simply swayed their bodies ever so delicately back and forth, silently enjoying each other's proximity.

"By the way, why were you still here?" Gavril's voice was low and husky, as it tickled Sasha's ear.

"I was waiting for you to ask me to dance." She answered, "I was your date but you never even approached me after we went down the staircase."

"I thought it was only appropriate. You were absolutely dazzling and I-" Gavril breathed.

Slowly their dance faded into a stop, started by the stillness in Gavril's body.

"I need to tell you something."

So he started to talk. The darkness turned grim as the lights grew dimmer. He told her of Councilman Levine's offer and how he felt that it would be in his advantage to take that offer considering his position.

He told her lies, evading from the truth of how he wanted to be appropriate for her. He told her of the luxury and superficiality of his new position and strung arguments after another just so he could make her believe that this was a good thing. Gavril asked himself, as he listened to his own words, if all this explanation was for Sasha or for himself to hear. His heart was still unsure and his decision hung up in the air, nevertheless, he continued to speak to her in a voice with finality and confidence.

All the while, she felt him squeezing her heart until she could barely breathe. He was not asking her for permission or asking her for her opinion regarding the matter. Sasha could only hear that he wanted her to agree with him and to be with him on this. But she could not accept it. In the end, all she could do was look at him with disbelief.

Day one of being a Commander and this world had already eaten him whole.

Her tears threatened to fall, but she stopped it. They were not for her to shed. She had no right to cry for him.

"I am happy for you Commander."

That was the biggest lie she could ever muster herself to say.

***

Daniel and August slept on the carpeted floor; the boys had been waiting for Sasha to arrive home. The screen flat on the wall was still on, the only source of light inside the dark house, while it played the scene of their last game again and again.