Never Coming Home // Frerard

Chapter 27

The front door slammed shut, and I soon heard a thud, followed by the sound of Frank crying. Without thought or hesitation, I ran from the kitchen to the living room and collapsed to the floor next to him, pulling his shaking body close to mine.

"It'll be okay," I whispered.

"Get away from me," Frank said in a low, angry voice.

"Frank-"

"Get away," He repeated, a little louder. He pushed his hands against my chest, forcing me away from him. "I can't be with you. I can't do it. I can't deal with being a disgrace to my family. I can't get kicked out of here. This is my home, Gerard. I can't be homeless. I can't be rejected by my family."

"But Frank, you could move in with me. We only have a year of school left. You could live with me and Mikey and my mom, and we could finish school and then look for an apartment together. Frank, please, don't do this-"

"I made up my mind, Gerard. Please just leave. You're better off without me."

"Without you, I'd probably have slipped back into alcohol by now," I admitted. "I am definitely not better off without you."

"Well," He said in a pained yet stern voice, "You shouldn't have depended on me."

~

I spent all of my time thinking about Frank, crying about Frank, calling Frank, and avoiding Frank.

Mikey tried to be the problem solver again, but he laid off after I told him about everything. After that, he just tried to make me feel better.

"Let's go get coffee," He'd suggest.

"You wanna watch Star Wars and order pizza?" He'd ask with a pleading undertone in his voice.

But I always just shook my head and remained silent, waiting for him to leave.

After drawing Frank an unhealthy number of times, and realizing that I still felt like shit, I broke out my song book again. I thought about what he'd told me.

Well when you go,

Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay,

And maybe when you get back,

I'll be off to find another way.

And after all this time that you still owe,

You're still a good-for-nothing I don't know,

So take your gloves and get out,

Better get out,

While you can.

When you go,

Would you even turn to say,

I don't love you,

Like I did,

Yesterday.

Tears smudged the ink on the page, and I found that I was crying more than I was writing. I dropped the pen and pushed myself away from my desk, pulling my legs to my chest and crying a little louder.

Frank didn't love me.

~

My life felt empty.

Frank wasn't there. He'd been avoiding me just like I was avoiding him, and it proved to be affective in preventing an emotional breakdown in the middle of the hallway.

Still, though, I hid in the bathroom during lunch, too afraid of seeing Frank at the lunch table, laughing along with our friends like nothing had even happened.

One day, I locked myself in one of the stalls and sank to the ground, stifling my crying in case anyone heard.

But it didn't work.

"I can hear you, you know," Frank's voice startled me, but I didn't move.

"Why do you care?" I asked hesitantly.

"I do still care about you, Gerard," He sighed.

"You could've fooled me."

"Gee, I-"

"Don't explain. An explanation of why you're ignoring me won't make it hurt any less, so what's the point?"

I heard his footsteps getting closer to the stall, and I could hear him sliding his back down the opposite side of the door I was sitting against until he was sat down against it.

"The point is... It isn't you. It's her. And my family, and everybody. Everybody my mom talks to would call me a disgrace. If I can just act straight until I move out, I won't have to deal with that rejection and I won't have to deal with being kicked out. It'll be my life then, and I won't have to talk to her again."

"So... You're waiting until then?"

"Yes. And I promise you, I promise with every piece of me that I will come back for you one day. I don't know how long, but I can't just forget someone like you, Gee. I won't. And when I come back for you, we can run away from here. We can just leave our lives behind, and we can forger about this place. Hell, we can live forever, if you've got the time."

"Promise?" I ask.

"I promise."