Holding On & Letting Go

5. I Just Want You To Come Home

"Ana" she couldn't speak, the way he breathed her name and they way he looked after all this time still made her weak at the knees. The tension was obvious in the room so after a few quick 'hellos' Christian and Ana were left to talk, well before Kate managed to slip back in and threaten Christian "Grey, I'm warning you if she crys or gets upset you will get a fully loaded version of the other day. I mean it. Your cards are marked!" before she stomped out of the room leaving Ana to her defences. She looked everywhere around the room but at him, try keep it together Ana you were doing so well, don't give in yet

She eventually focused her gaze to her sleeping infant just a mere four feet away. Christian was watching her closely and followed the gaze to the infant carrier in the middle of the room. "That's my son" it was more of a statement than a question to which she nodded. She couldn't speak at all Nice one Ana, lash out at him in an email and become a mute face to face. Thumbs up girl Ana was having an inner battle with herself, she snapped out of it when Christian reached out to gently stroke her face "Ana" he smiled at her, that smile that will be the death of her.

"Christian don't" she whispered and stepped away his face falling from disappointment but he stood back, his hands in his suit pants pockets before moving to the carrier. The silence in the room was deadly, you could have heard a pin drop. He leaned over his son taking in his features, he agreed that he was his double but he was hoping he would be awake. Elliot had told him about his eyes, the very same as his own. He removed one hand from his pocket having an inner struggle to reach out and touch the baby in fear he would wake and cry. He was gently he barely glided his finger across his son's face smiling at how small he really was. "Christian do you want to hold him?" His head snapped up as Ana spoke

"He wont cry if I do?" Ana watched how nervous Christian was at the thought of holding his own son. She wanted this, to see him and their son together. She dreamed of it for a whole nine months.

"He wont, anyway he's due a feed soon" She went to his side barely keeping it together, he was intoxicating. She scooped her son up in her arms and he stirred slightly but fell back asleep. Christian back away a few feet almost frightened at the thought of holding someone so small and so fragile. "Christian?" she was confused

"I don't want to hurt him" his eyes wide as if he was a deer in headlights. "He's so small" he said as he sat down running his hands through his hair.

"Christian you wont hurt him. I know he's small but he grows like everyone else" she smiled slightly "He wont stay this size forever" she moved towards him. The fear was evident on his face "Christian I need you to hold him so I can fix him a bottle, I can't do both" Christian eventually gave in as Ana showed him how to hold him in his arms, he was sitting back on the sofa holding Teddy carefully. Ana was searching the diaper bag for a bottle and a bib for Teddy, she took a few deep breaths to calm down, luckily Christian was occupied focusing on every movement Teddy gave to notice how nervous Ana was in his presence.

"He has got my eyes" Christian blurted out as Ana moved to his side "Elliot told me but I didn't think he was telling the truth" he moved over to allow Ana to sit beside him. She placed the bottle near Teddy's mouth and he bag hungrily sucking away, she brushed Christian's hand as she placed the bottle into his and it was like a bolt of electricity passed through the two of them, their eyes met for a moment when Ana stood up and moved across the room to sit down away from him. She couldn't help but watch as Christian whispered to their son, she could barely hear what he wa saying but Teddy kept his focus on his father like he would do with her, holding on to every word he spoke. "He's finished his bottle" Ana jumped but moved back to Christian's side to show him how to burp Teddy. He wouldn't tap his back like Ana had showed him, he was terrified of hurting him so Ana took over. "You're really great with him" Christian said as Ana proceeded to change his diaper "Ana will you please come home to me?" he begged like a small child. Luckily her back was to him, she closed her eyes and sighed "Christian we have had this conversation multiple times, please don't do this again" she placed a sleeping Teddy back into the carrier. She turned back to Christian who was now on his feet moving towards her.