How To Let Go

Chapter 2

There Noah was standing in front of me.
"Why didn't you save me?"
"I am sorry." I said shaking.
"You could have saved me... Didn't you love me?"
I could respond tears streaming down my face.
He looked at me his innocent eyes full of rage and betrayal. His face slowly change into Tyler's.
"Why didn't you stay? We could have been happy together... Why was I not enough? All you had to do was love me..."
My tears blurring my vision and sobs racking my body.
"What did you hate about me?" Tyler asked, "it is all your fault... You made me do it." I tried to reach out to hug him but my hands went through him and his face morphed into that of my mothers.
"You were the problem all along. It should have been you. I would have been doing the world a favour should it have been you. You worthless ugly heartless bitch. Your father left before  you were born he knew that you were no good. But you weren't satisfied making me miserable you forced Tim who treated you the same as he treated his son to leave. He left his son and me because of you. You lying little ungrateful shit." She lifted her hand to slap me.

I woke up. I tried to get my breathing under control. Tear still falling down my face. After getting my breathing some what under control I checked the clock it was 3:42. I silently walk down the hallway to the kitchen hoping not to wake anyone. After getting  a drink of water, I wash my face getting rid of my tear streaks still on my face.  These reoccurring nightmares meant I barely got 2 to 3 hours sleep each night. There was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep I grabbed my stuff for a shower.

Didn't you love me?
Why didn't you stay?
All you had to do was love me...
It is all your fault...
It should have been you...
Worthless ugly heartless bitch...
No good...
Because of you...
You lying little ungrateful shit...

These words consuming me I sat in the shower and my tears start again. When I finally get out of the shower it is 4:30. I try to block the thoughts and just change into my uniform which I am guessing is one of Stephanie's  with the hem brought up making it to short for my liking. It is slightly tight around my bust but it will have to do. Mr and Mrs J and trying their best so in no way am I going to complain and be ungrateful little shit. I grab we were liars by E. Lockhart and read, until everyone else is up. This being my favourite book of all times yet I do not know why it was. There are sticky tabs through out it with my favourite quotes.

I don't actually care
what you think, so it's
perfectly okay

I don't know why this book appeals to me it just did. This quote has helped me deal with parts of my life a little bit and became my mantra when my mums words came back to me.

"Hey, Violet your up? Breakfast is on the table..." Mrs J while placing folding on my bed. I ate my piece of toast praying for this day to be over quickly. Running on 3 hours sleep I needed coffee not just one shot but probably 2. Alex came down the stair dressed in his tie and semi ironed uniform. Mrs J probably had ironed yet Alex had not hung it up.

"Morning," Alex grumbled with a nod in my direction.
He poured himself some orange juice and rice bubbles. Mrs J came into the kitchen and gave Alex a hug and told him and I we would be walking to school as Caleb had gone earlier for football practise. My hands were shaking with nerves as Mrs J waved us goodbye. We walked in silence until we were 3 blocks away from school.

"Do you want to stop for a coffee? We are running 10 minutes early," Alex asked looking at my shaking hands.
I just nodded and gave him a smile. He could clearly see how nervous I was. He smiled back and lead me into a cafe which was decorated; combining a whole lot of fairy tales. Realising I wouldn't be able to order he handed me a note book.

Double shot latte , please... I wrote. He looked at it and laughed.
"2 take away double shot lattes please." He order, "Got to at least try and stay awake in school. Right?" He said to me. I handed him a ten dollar note but he wouldn't take it.

"My treat this time next time you can pay. After all it is your first day at this school," He said.

When the coffees were called out we continued our way to school.

"So is this your first foster family?" I shook my head and held up 10 fingers then added another 2.

"Really 12. So starting at a new school isn't really something new to you." I shook my head.

"What is you favourite colour?" With one hand still holding his coffee when I had finished mine ages ago he handed me back the notepad.

Purple and black. Yours?

"Green. Favourite animal?"

Hippo. Favourite subject that is not sport?

" Business. First pets name?"

Never had one. Favourite food?

" Pizza or shepherds pie. Can you actually speak?"

Yeah. Favourite place to go?

"Hmmm... My cousins farm. Why don't you talk?"

Because then I would have to answer questions like that. He took another sip of his coffee and seemed satisfied enough with that answer.
Would you be able to keep this conversation to our selves. Please?

"Why?"

It is just easier.

"I suppose I can do that."

And one more thing...

"Maybe it's a good thing you don't talk you sure ask a lot. Sure what is it," Alex says with a laugh. I nudge his shoulder and he just laughs again.

Can you show me where the office is?

With that he led me to the office.