How To Let Go

Chapter 5

After the shopping was done I retreated back to the room I was staying in and did some research on the prac we were doing in bio and getting a start of the report that is inevitable to be for homework tomorrow. Having missed the first 4 weeks I had missed the theory side of it and was trying to catch up. Alex came and checked on me a couple of times to check if I liked the food his mum was cooking. It was dark outside now so I walked over to the window intending to shut it but I decided to climb on to the tree just outside my window.  Up until 2 weeks and a 1/2 at the Maycus'(my prior foster family) I would sneak out and talk to Noah and the stars. Speaking out loud when no one was around to Noah brought me comfort. I wouldn't usually get back until early morning. Me doing this also was a reason for me changing foster homes they always believed I was out doing drugs and drinking and I didn't exactly argue the point.

Knock knock. I climbed back through the window and opened my bedroom door and it was Zac.
"Hey, um I left some of my clothes in here last time I was here can I grab them please?" he asked unsure. I just stepped aside letting him in. He was staying the night and would walk to school with us tomorrow. Once grabbing his clothes he said thanks, saw my mostly finished report on our prac  tomorrow and smiled and shook his head before heading to the shower. I climbed back out the window and looked up at the sky.
Softly I began to whisper,"I am so sorry Noah." The tears began to run,"I sorry I didn't make time to talk to you. Please forgive me." Silence."I have missed you. You should be here not me. I can't do it any more... I love you. You would like Alex... He reminds me of you a bit. I can't keep this up... My nightmares are worse lately and I haven't had a good night sleep since I last spoke to you. It is all my fault... I cant do anything right." A cool breeze blows past my tear stained face making me shiver. "This new school sucks just as much as the others. All I think about is 2 years and 3 months till I am an adult and can get my own place. Maya and I have been talking a lot and Alex and had my first sort of conversation in how many years to someone other then Maya. I wrote my responses and questions but still." I shiver again. " I have to go inside but there is not a day that goes by that I don't wish it was me not you. Night, I love you. Sleep well."

After dinner we all watched Forrest Gump because Mrs J said we needed family time even though I wasn't technically family and Zac wasn't either and Stephanie still wasn't here. I sat between Alex and Zac while Caleb sat on the other side  of Zac and mr and Mrs J took the single seats. My three hours of sleep soon began to get to me as my eyes got heavy.

"You can wake the other two Caleb can you please just carry her to her room?" Mr J asked. I tried to open my eyelids but they were to heavy to lift.

"Fine," I think Caleb said with a huff. I could not even move a muscle my arms and legs felt extremely heavy. He picked me up bridal style from between to warm bodies. With the loss of my warmth Alex stirred before waking up.

"Need help?" He asked.

"I got it she is light anyway. Can you wake Zac for me?"

"Nope, sorry I value my life. Just let him sleep their for the night."

I felt myself be carried down the hallway before turning right and being placed on a bed. A blanket was place over me and the fan switched on before he left.
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I wake up dripping with sweat and tears pouring down my face and try to breath to stop sobbing. Once I have regained myself I head to the kitchen to wash my face and get a drink it is 12 in the morning. I don't exactly know the time I fell asleep so I don't know how long I slept for.

I step into the kitchen and see a bare back facing me. I still have the tear stains and I try to wipe them away with my hands the best I can before they turn around. They turn around it is Alex only in his pyjama pants. He is a little less defined then Zac but he still has a 6 pack.

"Are you Okay?" he asks. I just shake my head.

"Come here. I heard you crying I didn't know if I should have gone in or not"  he says pulling me into a hug. I hug him back, gratefully.

"What happened?" He looks concerned. I look around for a piece of paper but their is none he grabs his phone that he was using as a torch  and I type bad dream it's alright. He doesn't look convinced. I try to smile to show him but it probably looks like a grimace.

What time did I go to sleep?

He reads it before saying "around 11." One hour... There is no way I can cope without more sleep I can survive on two but not one but I won't  be able to go back to sleep.

We head back to our bedrooms and I want to ask Alex why he is not asleep but I don't want to seem nosy. Just he is about to walk to his bedroom I give him one last hug.
I get ready to climb back into bed and read a book but there is some one in there. I freak I run to Alex's room.

"Violet? What are you doing in here." Caleb says flicking on a light. I grab pen and paper to make it easier to explain. His Room was very plain and quite messy.

I went to get a drink but someone's sleeping in my bed when I came back. I freaked and ran. I was trying to find Alex's room but ran into yours by accident. Shit sorry for waking you.

"It's Zac he probably forgot its your room now. Alex's door is the one before mine. Ummm you could sleep in my bed. Zac is violent when he is woken up. Zac will be up before mum and I can set an alarm for us so she doesn't know. You could go to Alex's but he only has a single bed and has a tournament tomorrow. Your choice?" He says not seeming bothered either way. I climb in on the other side and am surrounded  with his smell. Much to my surprise I fall back asleep.