I leaned in for the kiss that didn't feel real. He was so perfect I couldn't stop staring at his eyes when I leaned in. I could wait for when our lips met. I started to close my eyes. I felt his lips gently on mine not fully kissing. This is it! My first kis-
"Chandler! Pay attention!" Mr. White screamed.
Mr. White is a mid- 50 year old man with brown and gray hair. Everyday it seemed he wore the same outfit. Slacks, Button up, and tie. He had no sense of style or sympathy, he didn't care about what's happening at home he just wants you to get work done and that's all he wants to hear.
Of course it wasn't real! God it felt so real though. Why couldn't it have been. Why can't my boyfriend just be right here with me and we can just run off into the sunset like a fairytale. Why do I have to be stuck in this god awful class with a boring teacher and literally no one I like in here.
Finally, the bell rang for school to be out and I flashed out of there. I was so ready to go home and talk to my boyfriend. I haven't talked to him since this morning. Yes, I know, I sound clingy, but so what? I don't care what people think.
I get to the car and I jump in with my mom.
"What are you so excited about today?" Said my mom.
My mom doesn't know about me being gay and doesn't suspect a thing. She's 46 and couldn't look better. I'm pretty sure I get my fashion from her because she's very in style. I couldn't love her any more. She has all of my love and she's the best mom ever.
"Nothing" I thought for a moment to think my way around the question and the truth. "I just had a good day.
"That's good" she says "how are you doing in Mr. White's class?"
I smile thinking about what I was day dreaming about earlier and I slightly bite my lip.
"Chandler?"
"Oh, I'm doing fine in there" I say
I look out of my window at our small raggedy town smiling thinking about earlier. Our town is a mix between unique and woodsy. Every building is old and rustic, made out of brick and looks about 300 years old. The sky, as always, is cloudy. We rarely ever get sun here. That's probably why I'm as pale as a ghost. Looking out the window I see our town's sign reading "Kettle Falls: 1660 friendly people & one grouch." God I hate that sign. It makes this town seem so cheesy. Who am I kidding this town is cheesy.
We finally get back to our house. My house was a traditional 2-story home with brick and rock on the outside with a cute red door to pop out some color. I walk inside and immediately go to my room, grab my phone and start texting Jason, my boyfriend who lives in New York:
Me: Hey babe
Jason: hey
Me: what's up?
Jason: Nm u?
Me: just got home from school
Jason: cool
Me: I love you
*ten minutes later*
Me: babe?
*an hour later*
Jason: sorry I saw your text but forgot to text back lmao
Me: oh ok well can I call?
Jason: no
Me: why not?
Jason: because I'm hanging out with my friends
Me: oh wow
Jason: what?
Me: nothing, bye
Jason: I love you
Me *puts phone down and ignores*
Why would he be so rude? I didn't do anything. I was so excited to talk to him and now I regret it. I just don't know about him anymore. He never acknowledges me or cares about me really. Why do I stay with him? Well because he used to be so kind and loving and told me he loved me all day every day. He used to call me every night and tell me goodnight and call me cute nicknames. What has happened. Did I do something? I started to cry in my pillow. I didn't understand why in the world he would be like this. I miss the old him.
"Chandler! Dinner is ready!" I heard my mom yell from the kitchen.
"Ok, I'm coming!"
I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a deep breath and then walks to the kitchen.
"What are we having?" I say
"Pot roast" my father said with a smile
My father is in the national guard and he's built like one for sure. He's huge and if you haven't seen him before, you'd be scared. He's built and he has a soooo intimidating half bald half hair cut. He's actually super sensitive and has a soft side to him unless you piss him off. You know he's mad when that vein pops out of his forehead. Oh god I am scared of that vein. Such a harmless thing with a scary meaning.
"Ballin."
I sit at our round table with four chairs. We usually sit on the same order. My dad on the left, my mom on the right, my sister in the back and me at the front. My sister is, Lauren, and she is at college so she is not here and my other sister, Jordyn, is out of the house living on her own.
We finally got done with dinner and I stand up and say "well I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted."
"Alright well goodnight son." my father says.
"Goodnight Chandler," mom follows up.
"Goodnight."
I walk to my bedroom, lay on the bed and turn on the tv to Family Guy. I watch it every night before I go to sleep. Even though the tv is on I look up at the ceiling watching my fan spin in circles. I can't stop thinking about Jason, and about what he did. It upsets me so much I start to cry again. The same questions run through my head. Why? What? What's wrong with him? "Maybe everything will change tomorrow.." I say through my tears as I drift off into sleep...
