A Place to Belong

Chapter 30: Laketown

Dark silhouetted figures morphed and swept across her path as she walked through her nightmarish hell once more. Braerka had become all too familiar with the scene before her and knew all too well its conclusion.

Her ethereal dream-form seemed to glide across the ground as the battle unfolded around her, the ground stained red, distant screams echoing forever and as always, a killing strike falling to wake her.

Braerka jolted as she woke, her breathing more controlled than it had ever been after any nightmare. The small dinghy rocked gently as she did. She came to her senses quickly and pulled her coat up around her shoulders and rubbed her hands together trying for steal even a glimmer of heat. It was dawning and the cool air was biting at her fingertips.

The dead silence was almost as painful as any loud crowd, the quiet splashing of water and the low whistle of the wind was all that could be heard; and it was driving Braerka mad.

Unsettled she restlessly fussed and glanced around at the company, most were dozing and all as weary and as cold as she was, and then she glanced to their saviour, Bard; a man of Laketown who, lucky for them, was heading home.

It had been some hours since she and Fili, and Kili, had made their way back to the others, they were surprised to find them bargaining with the stranger, and fortunately they were successful. Bard shook off the cold like you would a light dust off an old book, and seemed completely unaffected. Braerka envied him intensely.

"I could help keep you warm..." she heard the Reaver whisper suggestively in her head. 'No' she answered it silently. If the others were to suffer the chill of the northern autumn winds, then so would she.

Braerka took another sparing glance at the company, her eyes resting on Kili. He hadn't spoken a single word to her since they had regrouped with everyone, in fact, now that she thought about it, no-one had. Again she brushed it away; it was nothing.

She began to recount the past few days. Her mind began to spin recalling all she had learned and the innumerable possibilities that lay before her. She suddenly felt sick, dizzy. Her insides tore at her and made her feel like throwing up. She pretended not to know where it was all coming from but lying to herself was, suprisingly, not something she was all that good at.

Unable to ignore this sickly feeling any longer Braerka pushed herself to her feet and leaned out over the side. She heaved as the nausea overtook her, the taste making her heave again.

The feeling then passed and she stood erect, wiping the remaining sick from her mouth. She grimaced as the nausea came again, but time she stayed it long enough to stop it altogether. Braerka coughed and breathed deeply. She suddenly wished that none of this had ever happened, that she had died all those years ago in Dale.

"No!" she thought to herself, shaking her head. She simply wished she had been strong enough to walk away, to ignore that pang of sentimentality in her than drew her to a past she had spent decades forgetting. It was becoming clear to her that she may not be as strong as she believed.

Once again, she was living on the edge with everything around her trying anything and everything to break her and knock her down. None of that was as terrible as what she was doing to herself... or to Kili. He had opened himself up to her, risked his life, offered up everything he had and all of it for her. Pushing him away was the last thing she wanted to do but it the only thing she could think of doing in order to preserve his life. Whether the tale was true or not, Braerka didn't want to risk the life of another, especially Kili's.

Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed Kili move to her side. A warm calming wave poured over her as she acknowledged his presence, but as soon as it came, she was casting it aside. She couldn't let anything break her resolve, especially with lives in the balance.