Broken

Howard

Entry Eight

I just found my iPhone after an hour of cleaning up my place. It's been dead ever since I texted Annie, so I charged it and found that I had a shit load of messages and missed phone calls. I read through them, some asking me to come back to school. Others blaming me for something.

'You killed him and now you drop out? Alex you're a pussy.'

'Its not your fault. Come back.'

'Heard you were in the hospital. Also heard that you started cutting. Too bad you didn't cut deep enough to kill yourself.'

I finished writing my entry and went back to the texts. I read them, only the bad ones sticking to my brain. Touching my face, I felt a tear streaming down my cheek. I didn't kill him. I didn't kill Bryce! I sobbed into my hands, feeling as weak as I did in the hospital. I didn't want Sienna to hear me either. She'd think I was going insane and call the police. Tears flowed onto my hands, and I grabbed a pillow, clutching onto it as flashbacks ran through my mind. Bryce, falling to his dead after I couldn't stop him from doing so. The feeling of guilt and utter pain came back to me. Suddenly, my ringtone played. I picked up my phone to see that an old friend was calling. Howard. I wiped my eyes, answering the phone.

"Hello?" I croaked, pulling away from the phone to clear up my voice.

"Alex, it's really good to hear from you." Howard spoke from the other line. Why was he calling me?

"I'll assume that all my missed calls are from you." I said tartly. I heard Howard chuckle.

"How'd you know?" He joked. "I thought you'd be dead. Or medicated. There's a lot of shit going around about you." he told me. I cringed a bit.

"Tell me, Howard."

"Well, uh... Theres the one that you killed Bryce. You already know that one. There's the one about you having depression. There's one about Bryce trying to kill you so you shoved him and he fell. Some say you've been cutting while others think you drink and get drunk every night. That's all I remember." he told me. I closed my eyes, trying to fight away the memories of that night.

"Whoops, none of them are true." I told him. Well, all except the depression one. I want going to prove anyone right.

"Well that's good. Anywho, I was wondering if you wanted to get a coffee at that place we used to go to?" Howard offered. This was why Howard was one of my best friends. He didn't care about things like the rumors. He still wanted to be friends, even if I was a freak.

"Sure, Howard. Meet me at four?" I asked. Howard agreed and we hung up.

Hours later, I was at the coffee shop downtown with Howard, taking like old times.

"Montclair is great. The soccer team really sucks though. Without you and Bryce its just a wreck." he informed me. Yes I used to play soccer.

"Wow, I haven't played since I left." I said, Howard nodded his head.

"You still look fine though. Physically and mentally. These rumors on campus are bull, Alex. If people knew this.. If they just listened and looked at you." he began. I stopped him before he could continue.

"They won't, Howard. Whats been said about me is permanent and there's no going back." I said.

"If they just saw you play soccer, Alex.." he tried to continue. I chuckled a little.

"Maybe."

Half an hour later we went our separate ways. It was nice talking to Howard, he kind of set things straight in my head about school.