Broken

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Entry 11

How do you forgive someone after having a falling out with them? I'm honestly still shaken up by the fact that Sienna mentally tortured Annie for all those years. And the funny thing is, it all actually makes sense! Why she wants to know what Annie's doing, why she told me to stay away from Annie. And most importantly, why Annie is so scared of Sienna, even by the sound of her name. 

What doesn't make sense though is why Annie hasn't pushed me away yet. Why would she welcome me into her bed with open arms if she had a horrible past with men? I want to know more, and Sienna just filled in a big part of the mystery for me. Maybe if I opened up to her about my past, she'd tell me about her's. 

I closed my journal, getting up from my bed and heading out the door. Sienna wasn't here today. She called out sick, probably to avoid awkward contact with me. If I were in her shoes, I'd be avoiding me, too. 

I haven't spoken to Annie for a few days. Not since the fight I had with Sienna. Me going to her apartment to check on her out of the blue wasn't the best idea. Maybe even the worst idea, but I wanted to see her. Not even God could stop me from seeing Annie right now. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. And if she wasn't, I would be there for her.

Around ten minutes later, I pulled up to Annie's apartment complex. I parked the car and ran up the stairs until I reached the third floor. '3K' was where I'd find her. I arrived outside her door, knocking twice which no answer. I could hear someone in there. She was there.

"Annie?" I said, hoping she'd hear me through the door and answer it for me. No answer. Twisting the door knob, I realized that it had been unloacked the entire time. What, is Annie trying to get herself killed? Anyone could walk in. And to make it worse, she was vulnerable. I entered into the apartment, looking around only to see broken glass in the kitchen and the T.V. was still on. 

"Annie?" I said once again. No reply, but I heard a whimper from her room. Without a single second thought, I ran into her room to find Annie in one of her panic attacks. She was a mess, and it explained the broken glass and everything else.

"Annie..." I mumbled, taking her hand. She turned around, and when she saw me, there was that look in her eyes. It was like she was trying to figure out whether I was a threat or a friend. I think her mind registered me as a friend, because she pulled me in for an embrace. For a moment, everything felt alright. As if she was done panicing. I was wrong. Really, really wrong. Because before I knew it, Annie shoved me into her dresser. I slumped onto the floor, before she began yelling at me. 

"Why'd you dome here?" she screamed at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why can't you just leave me alone, Alexander? You think I can't handle myself?" 

"No, Annie it's not that I jus-"she cut my off by throwing a hair dryer at my face. 

"Why'd you have to hang out with me after we met? You've made everything worse for me, Alexander. You caused this. You caused all of this!" she said. I had no idea what I caused. I just listened to her. Another object hit me across the face. I didn't bother to see what it was, but I'm pretty sure it was a can of hairspray.

"I-I know what guys like you do, okay. You're gonna act all innocent with me and tell me you love me. And then you'll... You'll" she was cut off with another round of crying. She slumped down onto the ground, covering her face before looking me right in the eyes.

"Why can't I be you?" she managed to choke out. I raised an eyebrow at her. Wy would she want to be me? Then again, she doesn't know what I did. My mind bring me back to that night on the Brooklyn Bridge. 

I had been out drinking with my friends to celebrate my twenty first birthday. I played soccer, I was popular. I could have any girl I wanted and I felt so good. Everything was in line for me, but one of my friends, that was the opposite. His name was Bryce, and he was a talented soccer player. His past though, that's the thing about Bryce. He never knew his Dad and his Mom was abusive. He got into Montclair on a scholarship he worked so hard for. Most importantly, he was depressed. He had it worse than me, and only I knew this. We were best friends, him and I. And after my party, just the two of us were walking around. I still remember how dead he looked. Like he wanted to die that night.