Paranoid (Kellic)

Chapter 8

Kellins P.O.V

I woke up with a raging headache. I couldn't really see or think properly so i just closed my eyes and tried to relax myself. I couldn't remember much from last night. Just going to the bar and obviously coming back. I peeked beside me and saw a naked Vic and that I was naked also. We had sex again. Again. To be honest, I thought the first time was a mistake. I didn't say that but it was too soon. The only thing I enjoyed about it was obviously the feeling but mostly the voices left. They were gone and that's the reason I loved it. I sighed dramatically and fully opened my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Vic looked at me and questioned, his cute morning voice flowing through my ear.

"Nothing," I replied.

"It's obviously something," he said, his eyes turning sympathetic.

"Just leave me alone, you wouldn't understand," I told him as I got out of the blankets and quickly put a t-shirt, boxers, gym shorts, and some shoes on. I fixed my hair in the bathroom and left the room. I jogged out of sight from the front door and slumped down against the wall out of breath. But I wasn't fast enough I noticed Vic smirking with his arms crossed about 10 feet away.

"Just tell me what's wrong and I'll leave you alone," he said as he walked closer.

"Having sex was a mistake. Both times," I stated simply.

"Is that the voices telling you that?"

"No! Not everything has to do with my fucking schizophrenia. Maybe I have a mind of my own too!" I cried out. He rushed over and sat next to me but I noticed he wouldn't lay a finger on me.

"I know you have a mind of your own. So tell me why it was a mistake and then I'll leave or stay or whatever you want me to do." He said soothingly.

"We are moving too fast. We've had sex twice and we've only known each other for a week," he stayed quiet. I recalled what one of my doctors said a few weeks ago, a person that's schizophrenic mind tends to overreact on small things. I realized that's pretty much what I'm doing. I agreed to have sex with him so I shouldn't be taking it out on him.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"For what?" He replied.

"For yelling at you. You did nothing wrong." He again stayed quiet but he stood up and also pulled me up with him. We went back to our dorm and sat down on the couch. And by that I mean he was at one end and I was at the other. He was distancing himself from me. I looked at the scars covering my thighs. The gym shorts wouldn't cover them unless I was holding them so all I could do is recall every one. The old ones, the new ones. I ran my hand over the bumps, both loving and hating the feeling. Loving because I remembered forgetting all the pain from my mind and focusing on the pain from the blades. Hating because they were so ugly. Pinkish and purplish lines covering my legs.

I noticed Vic glance over at me and scoot closer. I quickly covered up my thighs even though I knew he knew they were there. They were extremely noticeable. He couldn't have missed it.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him.

"No. Just confused about a few things," he informed, "Why do you always want to hurt yourself? Like I've met a lot of people with schizophrenia and they haven't self harmed as much as you have," he finished as he slowly brushed his fingers up and down the scars of my thighs, examining each and every one of them.

"Like I said earlier, you wouldn't understand," I sighed.

"But Maybe I will," he argued. He pulled up the sleeve of his sweatshirt and revealed scars that led all the was up to his elbow crease. I stayed quiet and touched them.

"Why?"

"Same reason as you. I felt like nobody cared, like nobody would ever love me but Kellin, you've gotta realize so so many people do care about you even if they don't show it. I care about you." I pulled my shorts back over my thighs.

"Fine I'll stop," I said. It wasn't easy to stop but if it was for Vic, I probably could, "No promises though." He smiled and pulled me into him for a short hug.

"Wanna go out to eat or something?" I questioned as he played with my hair. I'm laying on his lap staring blankly at the ceiling.

"Sure. Wait, wait here for an hour and I'm going to be all cheesy and romantic," he said. I giggled.

"Ok," I let him get up and he ran out the door with his wallet, keys, and phone. I clicked on the TV and waited for him to get back with his most likely cliché plan. Surprisingly, my schizophrenia wasn't much of a problem today. That only happened every once in awhile. Maybe Vic is actually helping.

---

After about 45 minutes Vic came in and grabbed me. I had no clue where we were going or what we were doing but I just rolled with it. We pulled up to Olive Garden I was about to pull out but he flung his arms across my chest blocking me and he wouldn't let go.

"Get off me please," I gasped and tried to push his arm away. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths. I opened my eyes and looked at Vic and all I could see was my fathers evil smirk. I closed my eyes and felt tears escape. I tried to stop and calm down but I couldn't. I felt his hand grabbing me and having control of everything. I hated it. But then I started hearing snapping. I opened my eyes and saw Vic. His hands were up showing me that he wasn't touching me at all.

"I took my hands off you right when you said to the first time. Please don't call the cops," he said chuckling nervously. I took deep breath attempting to calm myself down, "I was just going to say let me get the door for you," I nodded as he got out and opened the door for me. I was still breathing heavily when he helped me out. He closed the door and took my face in his hands. And kissed my forehead.

"Kellin, calm down you're with me now. It's going to be ok." I took a deep, shaky breath and nodded.

"Alright," I replied.