We stayed like that for a long time. We probably stayed there for an hour after I cried. I guess Gerard was scared that I would disappear. I don't blame him. I felt like I was going to erode and blow away like dust because I was so dehydrated. My eyes stung from the tears and my throat felt raw.
"The-The coffee's probably cold now." Gerard sat back and placed his hands on his knees. "Why don't you change into some dry clothes?" Gerard pulled me up and fixed up the coffee.
I fished through Gerard's drawers and found jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. We might not be the same size but I made it work. I guess it really benefitted today since I had to hide my wrists. The clothes smelled like Gerard. I sat in the middle of his room and rubbed my face. What was I going to do when Mikey came back? What was I going to do from now on? I had no home.
I made my way downstairs and found Gerard on the couch, watching Batman Returns. The smoke from the coffee flowed around his face, making him red at the cheeks. I sat down next to him and took my cup.
"Your birthday is coming up." Gerard said mindlessly. "What do you want?"
"When's Mikey coming back?" I asked.
Gerard looked at me and then back down at his cup. "He's running errands with mom. They won't be back until around six."
I sighed and nodded.
"Really, what do you want for your birthday?" Gerard shifted towards me.
"I don't know..." I mumbled.
"There's gotta be something Frank. A book, a movie, a comic. Tell me." Gerard wiggled his eyebrows. I appreciated him trying to cheer me up, and it was working.
"Be creative." I smiled at the corner of my mouth.
Gerard placed a finger on my cheek. "Smile. Smile for me okay?"
"If I did it would be meaningless." I looked away from Gerard's face otherwise I would cry. He looked so raw, so pure. His eyes...his eyes were filled with pain. Pain that I caused since I was such a fuck up.
"Then I'll have to make you smile. It's my job." Gerard rubbed my cheek with his thumb. He formed circles with it for a few minutes until the silence was broken again. "You don't have to tell me. Why you got kicked out, I mean."
"Thanks."
We sat on the couch exchanging small conversations. I remembered what it was like to feel happy for a second. But it quickly faded away when I heard a car pull up in the driveway. My body tensed up and my eyes shot to Gerard.
"It's okay. Mikey will have to suck it up. You're my friend too. In fact, you were my friend first." Gerard placed a hand on my leg.
"Gerard! We have take-out!" Donna's voice rang through the front door. I looked over to find a lady with bleached blonde hair carrying groceries and other bags inside the house. "Oh, hello Frank! Nice to see you here!" she smiled. I smiled back and felt Gerard squeeze my leg.
"What's he doing here?"
I cringed at the sound of Mikey's voice. Guilt and pain washed over me.
"Mikey, not now." Gerard eyed Mikey who just made his way to the kitchen.
"Fuck." I hissed. "Fuck F-"
"It's not your fault." Gerard hushed me.
"Frank would you like to stay for dinner?" Donna's head popped out of the kitchen.
"He's gonna stay." Gerard answered.
"Yeah, he can have my food. I'm not hungry anymore." Mikey spat as he sped upstairs.
