I didn't dare look at Gerard. He was disgusted with me and I knew it. I couldn't cry either. I didn't really know what to feel. What to think.
I just told the one person I trust the most a deep secret. What was I supposed to do now, run away?
I guess that was enough for me. My feet moved fast as I traveled deeper and deeper into the woods.
"Frank! Frank stop!"
I kept going. He hated me. I hated me.
"Frank!" Gerard grabbed me at the wrist and I felt pain fire up my arm.
"Let go of me!" I cried out and tried to get away but Gerard grabbed a hold of me again. I struggled to break free. "Stop it! Stop it!"
"No! Frank, please! Please!"
Gerard and I struggled and I heard my screams of frustration ring out. I felt my body give in and soon enough I was curled up against Gerard's chest and his arms wrapped tightly around me.
"You hate me." I spat. "I'm ugly. I'm dirt. I'm fucked up."
"No you're not. You're beautiful." Gerard's voice got caught in his throat. His fingers ran through my hair that desperately needed a wash and cut. "You're bright, you're soft, you're you." Gerard rested his chin on my head.
"So you don't hate me?" I looked up at him.
"Nope." he smiled. "I would be a hypocrite."
"Wait you're?" I sat up a bit.
"Gay? Yeah I guess you could say that." Gerard shrugged. "I don't really put a label on myself but to have a general idea, yeah, I'm gay."
"I never knew..." I muttered.
"Hey I didn't know you were either. Well, not at least until you asked Janie out. What was that about anyway?"
"She asked me out. I said yes because I couldn't understand that I liked guys. I guess I scared myself into dating her."
"But what about Mikey?" Gerard pointed out.
"I didn't want her to hurt him. She told me that if I didn't go out with her, she'd just bang him and leave him. And I knew that wouldn't end well. Mikey would be a mess."
"But now you're a mess."
Gerard was right. I was a mess.
"You need to think about yourself. Stop putting other people in front of you." Gerard moved so he was looking at me. "You should be selfish for a bit. Do things that you want to do. Just take people along for the ride."
"Can I be selfish right now?" I looked at him, trying to hide my conflict inside my head.
Do it. Don't. Say it. Shut the fuck up.
"Yes."
"Then I'm going to ask you a question." I took a deep breath. "C-can....Can y-you..."
