After eating a possibly poisoned by Mikey spicy chow mien mixed with extra tofu that Donna prepared and washing the dishes, making sure not to expose my wrists, Gerard and I headed upstairs to set up a bed on the floor. "You can sleep in my bed tonight." Gerard said while laying down a blanket.
"No, no it's okay."
"Frank. You are sleeping in my bed tonight. You need the sleep more than me." Gerard urged. I swear, he got that sass from his mother.
I crawled into the bed that laid against a window. And then I saw it. The sky, the clouds, the rain. The weather forecast ran through my head. I crawled under the covers and curled up as tight as I could to prepare myself.
Gerard quickly fell asleep and I could hear him lightly snoring. I shifted around and found a mass of blankets that was slowly rising and falling. A big crack and flash of light made me jump out of my skin.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck..." I burrowed my way into the blankets. The only thing that seemed to calm me in the slightest was the smell of Gerard. I started to cry. What was I doing? Why was I laying here?
"Frank?"
I held my breath.
"Frank are you crying?"
I heard blankets moving.
"Come here."
I felt the bed sink and the blankets being moved. I instantly latched onto Gerard, grabbing his shirt. I felt his fingers run through my hair.
"It's going to be okay Frank." I heard Gerard whisper into my ear.
And then I broke. I sobbed. I was shaking. My chest tightened and my throat swelled. Thunder blasted again and I jumped.
"What the hell is going on?" Mikey had opened the door.
"Get out Mikey." Gerard called out. "Get the fuck out!" he screamed. "It's going to be okay Frank. Please be okay."
"Thank you." I looked down at Gerard's chest that was rising and falling.
"You don't need to say that." Gerard sighed.
We didn't sleep for the rest of the night. we just laid there, talking.
"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?" Gerard looked down at me.
"Yeah." I answered after contemplating. "Yeah, I will."
"You don't have to tell me now." Gerard reassured.
"I know. I trust you." I sniffed.
"Mom, I need to talk to you." Gerard and I made our way downstairs to the kitchen table.
"You're going to ask me if Frank can stay for a while, aren't you?" she spoke, not looking up from her magazine.
"Uh... yeah." Gerard shuffled.
"Mikey was frustrated. He still is. Now you boys need to come to an agreement of some kind, okay?" Donna raised an eyebrow at me. "Mikey's temper is never going to stop you from staying here. So don't feel bad if you're taking up space because he's just having a temper tantrum."
"Thank you." I said, relieved.
Gerard and I were walking to the downtown coffee shop. The sky was grey but it was a nice chill. I bundled myself up in long-sleeved, in case if a wind picked up.
We sat down in a booth after we got our drinks, making small talk.
"We should head over to the comic book store, I heard there's a new Batman comic." Gerard placed a finger on his chin. "I hope it has the Joker in it..."
"What's up, faggots?" my eyes shot toward a couple kids snickering. "Sucked any dick lately?"
I sunk into my chair.
"Hey, go fuck yourself." Gerard replied.
"Yeah I bet faggot got tired of jerking off." one girl piped in.
"Shut up." I muttered.
"Were hand-jobs not enough for ya, huh emo?"
"Shut up." I spat.
"What did you say dickwad?" one of them turned to me.
"Frank..." Gerard started to stand up.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" I rushed out of the building and into the closest alley.
I punched the wall. Over and over and over again.
"Frank! Frank stop it!" Gerard hugged me. "Please stop, please."
I was breathing ragged, my ears were ringing. I looked down at my clenched fists that were sticking out from behind Gerard. Blood trickling down and the whole knuckles swollen.
Gerard stepped back and took my hand. "It's broken." he choked.
I had made Gerard cry. Why do I always hurt people. I do it all the time.
I sat on the bench at a park. My hand was wrapped in a sprain cast. Luckily nothing was broken. Gerard sat down next to me with a bag of comics.
"I thought you might want this." Gerard handed me a new pair of skeleton gloves. "Ya know, since your other ones are ruined from..."
"Thanks." I accepted them and placed one of them on my free hand.
"Frank...I saw." Gerard was looking at his feet. I swear if he were to look any longer, he would burn a hole right through them.
"Saw what?" I looked at him.
"Your..your..cuts." he whispered.
I rested my head on Gerard's shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"I just, I just don't want to see you like this." Gerard shook his head. "I don't want you to hurt yourself like that."
"I'm sorry." I repeated.
"What happened Frank?" Gerard buried his face in his hands.
I wrapped my arms around him and nuzzled my way into his neck. "You'd hate me." I sadly chuckled.
"l will never hate you Frank. I just want you to get better." Gerard sighed.
I took a deep breath. "If you want to know, we'll need a pack of cigarettes, or at least I will."
