Troyler fanfic
Troye’s POV
I reached my hand into the box and pulled out yet another letter by a fan. The meet up had been amazing but I had no idea how I was going to get through all these letters. This one had a purple envelope with Dear Troye on the front in glitter and her twitter name down the bottom. Yet another person to follow. I tore into the letter with somewhat less enthusiasm than I had at the beginning and quickly read the contents of it. It was the same as all the others; well-meant but hurtful declarations of love. None of my fans knew I was gay yet and every time they said they were in love with me I felt guilty. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. And there, down the bottom of the perfume covered note, were countless drawings and hash tags of Troyler. Every time I saw these drawings my heart broke. It just reminded me of what I could never have. I looked up as Tyler walked towards me carrying two incredibly colourful cocktails.
“Mamrie’s new invention,” He said while sitting down next to me. “Here you go sugar.” As he said this he gave me an adorable wink before taking a long sip. I watched as his soft lips parted to drink the pink concoction. A little dribbled down the side of his mouth and I wanted nothing more than to reach up and wipe it off, but I couldn’t. Realising that I was staring I turned back to the letters and took a sip of my drink. It tasted like strawberries and as I drank, I forced myself to concentrate on its flavour and texture, rather than the fact that Tyler was sitting so close our arms were touching. “What’s that?” he asked, looking at the letter in my hand.
“Just something a fan gave me.” I gushed. I didn’t want him to see the Tyler drawings again. He would react the same as he always did. I quickly scrunched up the letter and was about to drop it back into the box when his delicate hand wrapped around my wrist. I could feel my heartbeat going double time as adrenaline surged through my body. Even the slightest touch made crazy. Carefully, he pried my hand open and took the letter out. I held my breath as he opened it and prayed that this one time he would act differently. But it was in vain. As he noticed the drawings at the bottom of the page a soft laugh escaped his lips and before I knew it he was laughing and gasping for air.
“Fucking hell, why are they so obsessed with Troyler?” He asked between laughs. “Your fans are so adorably clueless Troye.” He said with a smirk and with that my heart was broken.
I forced a smile. “I know right! As if we would ever date.”
My legs began to shake as I got up and left Tyler alone on the couch, laughing uncontrollably at the idea of dating me. I went straight to my bathroom, locked the door and stood in front of the mirror. I was hideous. No wonder Tyler would never want to date me, how could he? I took off my jumper just to see if going to the gym had made a difference at all but it hadn’t. I was still all skin and bones. I was pale and could clearly see my collar bones and ribs. Why was I so disgusting? Tyler liked buff guys with abs and though I had tried, I just did not have them. I looked at my forearms. They were covered in thin white scars. I hadn’t cut in so long, the last I had Zoe saw them and made me promise not to do it again. And I had tried so hard to keep that promise, but then I fell in love with Tyler. And the more I loved him, the more I knew he could never love me and the harder it became to resist the urge to release the pain. But I couldn’t resist it anymore. With trembling fingers I reached for my razor and after a moment I had several blades scattered in the sink. I picked one up and placed the cool steel against my skin. As I pushed down, I remembered the sound of his laughter at the idea of dating me. I remembered when I told him I was gay, hoping he would smile and immediately ask me out, but he hadn’t. I remembered him going on all those dates with that guy Kyle and seeing them kiss. Before I knew it 5 new red lines had joined the others on my left arm. I swapped hands and added three to the other one. Blood streamed down and began to drip on the cool tiles on the floor as uncontrollable tears ran down my cheeks. My chest hurt as sobs wrenched through my body. I fell to my knees and then to the floor as images Tyler, my perfect Tyler, flowed through my mind. I don’t know how long I lay there for but after what felt like hours, there was knock at the bathroom door.
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Authors Note:
This is my first ever fanfic so please be kind.
Let me know if you have any ideas
xx
