Troye's POV
I thought I knew pain. I thought I knew hatred and misery and heartbreak but looking at him now, I've realised I knew nothing. He won't speak, he's just staring at me waiting for me to start talking. The thing is, despite my anger I have no idea what to say. How do I explain this, these emotions? There's an avalanche of negativity and it's destroying me, my energy is seeping out and as I look into his eyes I just grow tired. I'm done with this.
Tyler's POV
He is furious, it's clear on his face. I wait for him to start, start yelling or throwing things, what ever it takes for us to talk and move past this but then his face changes. His eyes, just seconded ago were filled with hatred and sorrow but now there's nothing and I don't understand what's going on.
"How are you feeling?" I ask, pretending I don't know.
"How am I feeling? ha, where do I start," he says, his voice surprisingly flat. 'Tyler, for months now I have been in love with you and I have been killing myself trying to avoid showing you, making it obvious because whenever 'troyler' was brought up you acted like it was impossible, like that thought of being with me disgusted you. I've spent the last few months in agony because of you. But I'm done now. This is the last straw; admitting me against my will. I am so mad at you Tyler it scares me. How dare you? How dare you call my family, how dare you make this choice for me? the fact that you even considered this proves that you never have and never will love me back." His voice is raising as talks, growing louder and angrier with every sentence but when he gets to those last three words it breaks. His voice bleeds pain.
I don't know how to react, I knew he had a crush on me but this? It was all my fault? All the self harm and the drugs and the hurt was because of me and I was to blind to see it. The worst part is I think I feel the same and all I want to do right now is hold him and tell him he's wrong. I care for you Troye and I want you in my life! but I cant. I'm a mess and he needs someone strong right now, someone who can help him. So I have to do the unthinkable. I have to hurt him even more, enough that he never loves me again. Oh god.
Troye's POV
"You never will love me back"
I just said it, I told him everything. I'm oddly calm though, this is freeing. I know he doesn't feel the same way so I wait for the apology, knowing that eventually I'll forgive him. I can't live without him. But it never comes, instead it's something much worse.
"You're right. I don't love you, how could I? It's not you Troye, honestly you are amazing but you are so young! I would feel like a pedophile dating you. Also, I'm in love with someone else. I was with him when you called which is why you were by yourself and partly why you're here today. He is my soulmate. He's my age and buff and there isn't any drama there. I'm sorry Troye but we would never work, could never work. I can never see myself loving you, you're just not good enough for me. I'm not saying that you should try and change yourself or anything, you are amazing but just not in the right way. I want someone strong, you can hold me and make me feel good about myself but you're too self absorbed for that to be you. I am sorry, but I'll never love you and honestly? I'm sick of having to ignore your puppy dog states and constant whining. We will never happen. Now suck it up and go get help cause I want my bestie back." He's finished and slightly out of breath, as if it was physically hard to finally be honest.
What did I just hear? He....he... I don't even know how to react. The man I love just told me he would never and could never love me but he wants to be best friends? He's sick of me staring but he wants me to get help? My heart was cracking with every word he spoke but that last sentence "I want my bestie back" made it crumble. That's all we'll ever be, that's the best I can get from Tyler Oakley. Well I can't keep doing that, it was killing me before and after all this it will destroy me. He can't hurt me the way he has and say it's my fault for being self absorbed. And fucking self absorb? My every moment is spent thinking of him but I'm self absorbed. No I can't carry on this way, I have to move on and, if I don't now, I never will.
"Fuck you Tyler."
"Troye, I'm sorry." that's all he says. I'm sorry and then he walks out the door and out of my life. I stare at the open door for a while, willing my heart to mend and my soul to forget the perfect pair it just lost but then the doctors walk in. They're wheeling a bed with restraints on either side and I break. Every fibre of being is screaming for Tyler but my mouth doesn't say I word, I just let them take me, tears streaming down my face and all voice lost.
