Three Cheers for Sweethearts [Frerard AU]

PART III: Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18 – MORTALS

Then it was Friday. My best bet, I figured, was to pretend it hadn't happened at all. That's certainly what I'd want if asking someone out didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

Frank and I ran into each other in the commons before the morning bell, and I gave him a nod in greeting, but he avoided my eye. Was this really going to start happening again?

I shot him a text before I could think better of it. You're not mad at me, right? But I never got a response. Whatever happened to "you're still my friend?" Was that not what he wanted? Was it either boyfriend or stranger, with no middle ground?

I tried my best to ignore it. Really, I didn't need my life turning into a soap opera.

***

Chemistry came and went. I watched Frank effortlessly draw a syringe over his shoulder – four lines to make a box, two lines off of it for the plunger, a line to connect them. Then ten lines across the side for measurements. Three more lines for the lid, three more for the base. One more for the needle. It was really just a series of straight lines at right angles, but each line was within a sort of rhythm created a damn realistic picture, for a sketch. He hardly needed lessons from me anymore. Thank God they were almost over. Maybe I could suggest that he stop coming because he was so good? No, I couldn't do that.

Lunch came, and I hoped Frank was finally over himself. He wasn't.

Really, you give a guy time to think about your offer and you give up that quickly?

Granted, I wasn't exactly thinking about it. I was trying to come up with a reasonable excuse to say no, something that wouldn't break his heart. It would break my heart to see him heartbroken.

I sat down next to him, like usual, but he didn't say hi, unlike usual.

Lunchtime had had its silences before; this was nothing new. This time, though, it was only Frank and me feeling the tension, the discomfort, in it. My brother and Ray went along eating their food, absorbed in their own thoughts. I wished Frank had gone along with the staying-friends plan. We could have pretended nothing happened. I had to try to imagine it from his point of view, though – I'd be thinking about it all the time and he probably thought I was, too. Space and some time was what I'd want if I were him, so that's exactly what I gave him. I consciously chose to not think about it anymore; I wouldn't try to get inside his mind.

Believe it or not, that mindset actually worked. I wasn't overly stressed about what he was thinking, which also showed me that I shouldn't care what people think so much in general. It didn't change anything, knowing what they were thinking.

And at the end of the day, I just had to play teacher. With Ray there, it would be that much more painless, and with Hunter there, the focus wouldn't be entirely on me.

Hunter leaving us alone, and me not having to anticipate any sort of aggression, was a new feeling of peace that I still wasn't used to. That was the only plus side I could find. On the downside, it was like I was suddenly free to think about Frank without also thinking it was taboo.

I'd told the others about the deal I made with Hunter in a group text, so they could relax as much as I could. If anything could make the week worse, it was the chance that Hunter could find out about it and lose self-control. His little ship was halfway canon.

The day couldn't go fast enough, but somehow I made it to the end of the day after about a week's worth of time. It was tempting to write a new Latin message for him, but I didn't find one for me to respond to. If I tried to start it, I'd probably screw up something else anyway.

Thoughts flew in and out of my head too quickly to identify. They couldn't be translated into words – just unidentifiable ideas or vague feelings and urges that stayed in brain language. Mostly about Frank.

How does one kindly turn someone down after insinuating that they were giving it thought? Of course it wasn't a definite yes – and Frank clearly knew that to be the case, the way he was acting – but do I just bring it up out of the blue? Or do I just wait for prom to pass, where he'll just silently understand that it was a no and if I had thought differently I would have said so myself? Would it come up in conversation?

Oh.

Oh no.

It would. Ray asked us every day about it, and he didn't even know what happened. I'd promised Frank the two of us would be the only ones who would ever know.

Friday Ray didn't ask about prom because he was busy sorting out his own love life. He'd essentially figured out that Christa wasn't using him at all, and that she wanted to go to prom with him. Both Frank and I were waiting for the question, you could feel it, but God was in our favor that day, apparently, and didn't let a word slip out of his mouth that he was still waiting to see if we'd gotten together.

Monday would begin the week of the dance. Sure, it was last-minute, but a lot of procrastinating couples would still be buying tickets.

No, it wouldn't be dropped.

Ray would force me to reject him right in front of everyone.

I tried to formulate a sentence to rehearse in my mind before it happened. "I thought about going, but decided against it," was vague enough, but Frank would be right there, and such a casual statement would mean an entirely different thing to him.

Maybe I'd just happen to be sick on Monday and I'd get to avoid the whole thing.

I didn't know anyone who was going other than Ray, and even then, he didn't seem excited. He was texting us over the group chat, talking about how Christa really wanted to match her dress with his tie, but he couldn't find the right shade of purple for her liking.

she wants it so specific. not too dark but not a really light purple either

not a PURPLE, more of a PURple, but careful not to get a pURPLe or god forbid a purPLE

its

so

confusing

i just wish she would go online and buy a matching set

Or one of those duct tape contests. I added. You know, the couple makes their entire outfits out of duct tape.

cant imagine thats comfortable

Of course not. But you'd match.

i might actually suggest that to her

I wished him luck on finding his perfect PURple tie over the coming week, and went to bed without another thought.

***

As luck would have it, I wasn't sick on Monday, and as hard as I tried, I couldn't convince my mom that I was. Nor did I have the self-discipline to come up with a good way to reject Frank's offer in a friendly way by then. Even if I had, I knew rehearsals would go differently than actually saying it to his face. It was all about to become way too real, and I didn't like it.

Maybe I could text him. No, that's pathetic. Maybe I could write him a letter, or just a note, and put it on his desk in Chemistry as I walked by it. No, I didn't have the time nor the words.

That was the problem. I didn't have the words.

Life is improv, as Mr. Burner had said at some point. I had to rely on that.