The Nightmare Has Only Begun

Chapter Thirteen

(Jonhathan)

I'm able to go out today. I'm allowed outside away from the house and not just into the backyard. I'm free to go somewhere but it isn't to get away. I'm not escaping like I would like to from the place I feel trapped. I'm not allowed to leave on my own with Jayden when it is the exact opposite. I'm separated from him instead, forced to speak to someone I don't know as if I will actually talk to someone on their side.

That's not going to happen no matter how long they trap me in a room to talk. I'm not going to do it. I don't want to. I don't have anything more to say to them concerning the truth they already know. Everything besides what I have already said are all lies they continue to make up.

My mom if that's what she wants me to call her as if she ever cared doesn't know anything. My dad knows nothing about my life when he was never involved in it before. Every person to sit down and talk to me know nothing. Not even the guy who came to talk to me recently does and I don't care what they have to say. I don't want to hear it when it means nothing to me. I don't know how many times I have to tell them and I won't stop and fall for what they have to say.

Well I won't except occasionally nodding my head to pretend I agree but I never add anything else. I'm not dumb enough to have the kids Jared and I have together taken away. I'll give in a little, lie as I fake falling for their lies they want me to see as truth except they aren't. I know they aren't.

Jared didn't hurt me. Jared never hurt me. He loved me and he still does. He might have...he hurt them but that was in his past. That was before me and he didn't mean it.

He has problems. He needs some help maybe more than I can give. He needs treatment. He needs counseling for the horrible things he had to deal with growing up that he never wanted to talk to me about. He didn't have a great life neither did his sister but that's not his fault.

He was trying for me, for us. He was doing better but locking him up away from us isn't helping him or I. I'm not doing okay without him. I don't know how to survive and it's killing me inside the longer we're apart.

We've never been apart this long. We've always been together. Through the bad and good we were together but they're separating us. They're blowing up everything into something worse than it is.

It's not that bad. It doesn't seem that bad thinking about it. I mean I was fifteen and Jared was twenty eight. He was older yeah but not by much. He loved me and no one else did back then or now. He was there for me and now I have no one. I don't have anyone and I'm alone again. I'm falling back into a dark hole I was in in high school. I'm reliving a hell of home except this time my parents are suffocating me in what they think is love but it's not helping. I want nothing to do with it. I want to leave. I want to be somewhere else then here when it's not home.

Home was with Jared. Home was living in that house away from everyone. Home was only needing each other and only going out occasionally. Home was our happy family even if it wasn't always happy.

Home was not here.

I'm not happy. I'm not what they want me to be but there I was. I was loved. I was cared about. I had a life away from everyone I once knew even if no one else agreed and understood it looking in on us because we were happy for the most part. I was happy and I'm not anymore.

Everything was fine to me. Everything was fine for Jayden living our life with Jared before it started to crumble into a million pieces. The past being dug out I don't want to hear. I don't want to know. I don't want to remember what I chose to block out to have a happy life with Jared for the pass several years.

Does that not mean anything to them? Do they not care? Do they realize bringing it up, bringing up details I don't want to hear and believe is making it worse?