nudes - ed

12

jade lauren culver

i don't know why i was so interested in combing my hair, i shouldn't be trying to look good for him. i didn't like him, well i shouldn't like him.

"im such a hypocrite" my thoughts scream at me.

i slip on a sweatshirt ( you can wear my ) and a pair of shorts and slowly walk down the stairs. i shouldn't have let him into my house. this is too soon. i need more time to think. not about me, but about him and how i actually feel.

truthfully, i don't know how i feel. i don't know what i want to feel or what good would come out of telling him how i feel. i can't stop second-guessing my self and thoroughly thinking before i speak. if this is what it's like to like someone, i hate it.

it makes me feel vulnerable.

i peer around the corner and glance at him. he's setting up his phone and running his hands through his hair. i breathe in quickly and some how he has super powers because he hears me and glances over at me.

he smiles and i melt away, down the stairs and throw the front door, my worries going away with me. i wish.

i slowly walk up to the couch before jumping on it, i feel like either of us is going to drop a bombshell, i just don't want to be the first person to do it.

"so."

he mumbles this, not even looking at me. do i want him to look at me? my mind doesn't want his attention, but my body craves it. his eyes are fixed on the television screen and i can see the veins in his arms and hands as he grips the remote.

"so."

i sound stupid when i say it. it comes out like a squeak. like i'm a mouse. maybe i am a mouse: weak, small, vulnerable. gosh, i'm stupid.

i let out a frustrated sigh before simply propping myself up on my elbows and staring at him.

"wow! you really know how to work the tv."

i may be acting temporarily odd but somehow my sarcasm doesn't falter. i am glad. as soon as i say this i see the corner of his lips perk up.

he tosses me the remote and joins me on the couch. i easily sync up his phone to the tv and the movie starts without me breaking a sweat. i can tell ethan is aggitated by this.

he clenches his jaw and the muscles pulse against his tanned skin. i know he can feel me staring, but at this point i've embarrassed myself enough that nothing worse can happen.

"i'm sorry."

he says this and i roll my eyes. obviously he's sorry he doesn't even know how to work a dang remote. i tell him this making sure my sarcasm is as clear as day.

"yeah, i would be sorry too if i came over to someone's house and offered to watch a movie with them but didn't even know how to work a dang remote."

i look at him and surprisingly he's already looking at me. well mainly he's looking at my lips and it immediately makes me self-conscious.

"you better watch out or else you'll choke on all that sarcasm."

he says, while this still looking at me and i roll my eyes. i've become a pro at getting easily agitated these past few days. if being agitated we're in the olympics, hands down, i would win the gold.

"you know, you're not a perfect sarcasm-less soul yourself. that was sarcasm right there. and also, you think just cause you brought my favorite candy that i would actually forgive you for calling me a s-"

i don't know why i can't talk anymore. oh yeah, it's ethan's freaking lips on my mouth. i'm too in shock to do anything. apparently it's supposed to be romantic when a guy cuts you off to kiss you, but not for me.

i was most definitely still in conversation and so i continue and then let him kiss me. and when he does all my anxiety goes away alongside my worries and doubts and troubles.

when our lips part, slowly but surely, he breathes in lightly and leans back.

"you wanna try this friends with benefits thing now?"

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