Dear Diary,

Dear Diary, my loneliness is killing me

Dear Diary,

I feel incredibly alone. My chest is heavy and everything seems empty. I'm so alone. To tell you the truth, you're the closest thing I have to a friend. How incredibly pathetic. You're not even human and I think of you as a friend. What happened to me?

Can't I just be whole?

Her name was Lea and she had brown hair like mine but her eyes were a summer leaf green that I was always jealous of. Lea was the definition of a giddy soul, or so I thought.  She loved Caspar more than I loved her brilliant green eyes. 

Caspar had blonde hair and blue eyes deeper and darker than the ocean. He thought he was in love with me. So I did what any souless bitch would do. I used his feelings to my advantage. I remember thinking that maybe for once she'd be jealous of me more than I was of her, for ONCE in our lives.

I came up with a devious plan. Caspar would date me, and then Lea would get jealous and then I'd convince Caspar to go for my sister instead. I'd be a heroric villian. I ended up just being a villian. The villian is never a hero. 

He told me in the middle of my plan, when my plans were changing, when my feelings were no longer a friendly feeling, that he didn't think he could keep dating me.

"When I look at you, Randy, I see your sister. It's weird but I think... I think I'm falling for your sister, Randy. I'm so sorry. I know I sound like a real douche bag, Randy but I'd rather you hear it from me than your sister." 

The way he said my name and the way he looked at me with those paralyzing blue eyes.

Goddamn, I went crazy for those eyes, Diary. 

My plan was to make Lea jealous, but as always she made me jealous.

So I ruined it for the both of them.

"He doesn't even like you, Lea. Fuck. I mean look at you, you really think he'd even want to breathe the same air as you? Why else do you think he avoids you everytime you walk into a room. Jesus Christ, Lea. Obsess over someone you actually have a chance with."

I hate myself.

I hate every word that I say and I write and because of all the shitty things I've done, I hate myself.

I am so lonely.

Her blood is on my hands.

Their broken hearts replaced my cold one.

I am alone.

I loved them, Diary.

But i was too foolish to tell them.

I'm so lonely.

-Randy