Dear Diary,

Dear Diary, it's been a while

Dear Diary,

I took you for granted. I take many things for granted, I realized. My therapist told me that now that I had been invested in writing in the diary, stop. I was told to stop writing in the diary for a month, 2 if I could handle it. I went crazy, diary. Crazier than I had already been and I didn't understand until today actually. I just got back from an appointment with her and she started asking about my diary and how I've been feeling not writing in it. When I told her I felt crazier she smiled. "You see," she said "telling something or someone how you feel isn't a bad thing, Randy. So don't bottle up those emotions. It does nothing for you or the people you love."

I've decided to stop writing in you, Diary. Because I no longer need it and that's a big step for me. You'll sit on my windowsill and be a reminder. A good one, I promise. And when I'm feelig down I'll be sure to give you a read to make myself feel better.

But first let me get you up to date. Landon and I aren't dating but he's a great friend, Diary. We realized that maybe we do need eachother but not romantically. He's taught me that I am capable of loving something and not wrecking it. He got me a plant and I named it Hector.

My relationship with my parents is slowly improving. We realized that we can't change what happened or how it got to that point and we'll blame ourselves for eternity. But we will learn to live with the guilt and pain while still living.

Caspar added me as a friend on Facebook and I accepted immediately.  I messaged him "You may never forgive me, I've accepted that. But I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused. Thank you for adding me, I've missed you." After a few days of reading my message, he replied "I've missed you, too."

Diary, life is getting better. It will get worse again but that's okay because now I know that life does not keep you at the bottom. It takes you there to experience utter imperfection and realize how good good days are. So I must take the opportunities I'm presented with and make my life more enjoyable. Soon enough I'll be down once again but with the strength of not just me but everyone I love, I'll be back on top.

Thank you, Diary. For helping me back up when I thought I was glued to the ground.

The ever-so-grateful,

Randy.

P.S to the future me that reads this, it gets better and you know that. Don't let yourself wallow in the pain. Bask in the beauty you behold and the beauty life grants you. You are allowed to feel and you are allowed to talk to others about how you feel. You will not be happy forever but you won't be sad forever either. Enjoy the ride.