little talks • harry styles

8

"Now we're torn, torn, torn apart. There's nothing you can do. Just let me go we'll meet again soon"

+++++

Bella lay in bed, her head pounding and Harry's arms wrapped around her tightly, preventing her from moving. The rain beat loudly against her window and she watched in silence as the raindrops fell, looking like tiny diamonds falling from the sky. She was depressed, it was evident. Harry's presence had always cheered her up but lately it seemed as if the more time she spent with him, the worst she felt. Bella had barely moved from her bed in days, and when she did it was only because she had to. Her dad had been calling all week, asking about her and her mum.

"She's just at the shops right now, sorry. You just missed her" She would say, feeling utterly disgusted with herself for lying. Harry would praise her for lying to him, saying that it's best he doesn't know, it all seemed like bullshit to her now.

"Baby" Harry whined, though his voice was muffled by her pillow. His voice startled Bella, he had been so quiet, she'd thought he was asleep. "Stop thinking so much, just go to sleep, you'll feel better"

"You know, Harry, I don't think I'll ever feel better" She said truthfully, her voice weak.

"God Bella, don't be so dramatic" He said rudely, "just go to sleep"

I'm not tired, she thought. For the first time in weeks, she wasn't tired and she knew exactly what she needed to do.

"Harry" She whispered, prying his arms off of her and sitting up.

"Ugh, what?" He groaned, Bella rolled her eyes, he wasn't even listening.

"I've realised now" She started, tears brimming her eyes, "that you weren't worth it" This, this caught Harry's attention, his eyes snapped up before he sat up, his position mirroring hers.

"What?" He stammered.

"There were times when you made me really, really happy, though most of that time you were shutting me out or insulting me. We might have had something great, something beautiful, but I guess we'll never know"

Confusion was written all over Harry's face, he opened his mouth to speak but Bella continued before he could.

"I won't ever forget the good times I had with you, but, saying that, I also won't ever forget how you've hurt me more than anyone I have ever known"
She took a deep breath, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders, Harry's eyes were dark again, he looked furious.

"So, what?" He snapped, "what is this, like a breakup? You can't leave me Bella, you can't"

"Harry, I can"

"No!" He boomed, "you don't get to make that decision"

"Yes I do, Harry! It's my life, I can do whatever the hell I want. We're torn apart and you know it, there's nothing you can do. Just let me go, please just let me go, we'll meet again soon. I can't do this anymore, Harry. I broke my own heart loving you" She cried.

"Oh and it's always my fault, isn't it? Poor little Bella, always the victim. You don't have any friends, oh it must be Harry's fault. You shoot your mum, may as well blame that on him too. You pulled the trigger, Bells, don't forget that" He sneered, grabbing Bella forcefully by the chin to face him.

"How could I forget that?" She asked pathetically, "I killed my mother, I'll never forgive myself for that. That's beside the point though, Harry. My decision has been made, I'm not changing my mind"

"This is all so stupid, Bella. You're so fucking dramatic. Let's just go to sleep, we'll talk about this later when you feel better" He said, lying back down.

"Are you even listening to me? I don't want to go to sleep, I want you to leave" She yelled, pointing at the door. Harry's reaction confused her, scared her even. His eyes lit up at her words, and suddenly he was laughing, hysterically, almost manically. Bella stared at his state, confused, watching as he just laughed and laughed and laughed. Finally, the sound died down, he placed a hand on his chest, trying to calm himself down.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen" He said, completely seriously.

"You don't have a choice, Harry, I want you to leave" She moaned pathetically.

"Why are you doing this, baby? Please, explain to me why I'm not enough for you?" He whined. "All I've ever done is love you and take care of you, I've never been unfaithful, I've never done anything bad to you. God Bella, when I look at you, it's like I feel this rush of adrenaline, this desire, you're so beautiful and you're perfect and I'm so in love with you. And I know you love me, Bella, I know it" His words made her head spin.

"You're right, I do love you. It's hard not to fall in love with someone when they've seen all the mixed up parts of your soul. When they understand and are okay with the darkest corners of your mind, when it's four in the morning and they're there just because they know you're not asleep. How could I not fall in love with you? I'm not denying it for a second, but I'm telling you honestly, I can't do it anymore" She said sadly.

"Who's going to love you if I leave? Hey? I'll tell you, nobody, without me, you're nothing Bella. I'm all you have"

"You can't speak to me like that!" She screamed.

"Sorry to break it to you babygirl but you're not the one in charge here, I am" Harry hissed, gripping her wrists tightly against his chest.

And that" Bella whispered, feeling her heart break. "That is why I'm doing what I'm doing"