Counting Stars and Scars {Kellic}

14. I Am Barely Breathing

{Song- Hold Me Now by Red}

-Kellin's POV-

I never thought I could be so terrified in all my life. It's true, what they say. You never know what you have until you lose it. Or, in my case, about to lose it.

When I ran into the bathroom and was greeted by the sight of Vic, covered in blood and holding a bottle of pills, I thought my heart was going to fall to the floor and shatter right then and there. I had followed him back to his house because of that look I saw in his eyes, that totally dead look, the one I've been feeling all to often these days myself.

I knew he was lying when he said he had to get something from his car.

I just don't know why it took me so damn long to go after him.

I was afraid Ronnie would see me, maybe. But that's no excuse. Because when I finally made the decision to go after the one person I love most in this world, it was almost too late.

I had gotten more and more anxious when I entered Vic's house; there was no sound coming from anywhere, and that scared me. My mind could only come to one conclusion to as what Vic was doing home, and when I opened the bathroom door, it was horribly confirmed.

I didn't know Vic would get this bad, I swear.

You did know, a little voice in the back of my head tells me. You just didn't do anything about it.

I try to block out the awful thoughts going through my head now. It doesn't matter what happened. All that matters is that Vic is still alive, and I'm doing my best to keep him that way. I look down at Vic's face, his eyes closed peacefully. Of course, he doesn't notice that my tears that are falling on him. How could you not know what this would do to me, Vic?

I'm holding him in my arms on the floor, keeping a towel pressed against the long slits on his arms. After making him throw up as many pills as I could, he had passed out cold, and that terrified me.

I'm currently waiting for someone to pick up on the line I called in a rush. I had to take a gamble; if I call 911 and get Vic help as soon as possible, that would tell everyone what happened here, but if I call Tony's dad, who's an ER doctor, Vic would be able to tell everyone in his own time. I decide that he would want that. That is, if he survives.

I take a deep breath, shaking my head, and press harder on the towel.

I can't lose him. I can't, I can't, I can't. I love him.

"Hello?" Dr. Perry's voice comes on over the line.

"Thank god!" I rush in relief, voice cracking in stress. "Dr. Perry, it's Kellin. Would it be possible for you to drop by Vic's house? It's an emergency."

His voice is gentle, calm. "Of course, what's the emergency?"

I hesitate, but then say, "Vic tried to kill himself."

There's shuffling on the other side, I think Dr. Perry is getting his stuff together. He starts talking again, as calm as ever. "Ok, I'm on my way. I need you to tell me what happened, very specifically."

My words are shaky, I'm barely holding back tears. "Ok, um. I came into the bathroom to see Vic about to take a bunch of sleeping pills. He had already slit his wrists, it's... it's pretty bad, Dr... There's blood all over, I don't know how long he's been bleeding. I pushed him on the floor to stop him from taking anything, and then I realized that his words were slurred and he was pretty out of it... I think he had already taken some pills. So, I um... I dragged him into the tub and turned the water on cold to keep him conscious, and then made him throw them up."