Counting Stars and Scars {Kellic}

15. I'll Sing You To Sleep

{Song- The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance}

-Vic's POV-

I fall asleep in the car on the way to Dr. Perry's house, right on Kellin's lap. Ever since I woke up on the bed and heard Kellin tell Dr. Perry what Ronnie had threatened him with and the fact that his father hurts him, my mind has been a whirlwind.

Why didn't he tell me?

Does he not trust me?

At least now I understand why he walked away.

I'm still kicking myself for not just asking him about it after it happened.

I was just so tired.

I still am.

But now I understand. I know what it's like to convert from someone who never backs down to someone who just can't take anymore pain. I used to tell myself that I'd never resort to killing myself, and I here I am. I took the easy way out, just because I couldn't take any more. It was the same for Kellin. He didn't want to abandon me. It doesn't excuse him from the fact that he did, but isn't it human nature? If we expected people to be perfect all of the time, we'd all be alone.

I can't forgive him just yet.

But I will, in time.

In the meantime, however, I curl up by Kellin's side and lay my head on his legs while I drift in and out of consciousness. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and strokes my hair with his hand in a comforting sort of way.

I'm still feeling the effects of the pills and blood loss, and to say the least, it doesn't feel great. I regret it of course; because I didn't want Kellin to see me like that.

That doesn't mean I don't want to do it again.

I feel awful, but it's the truth. I didn't just try because of what Kellin did. That was the breaking point, yes, but that doesn't change the fact that what I feel every single day is exhausting. But I meant what I said. I want to try, for him.

When I wake up for what feels like the millionth time in the car, I realize that the vehicle has stopped. We're at the Perry house. Kellin leans over and whispers in my ear, "We're here, Vic."

I mumble something incoherent in reply, and burrow further into his shirt, not wanting to go anywhere.

Kellin laughs at my unwillingness, and then I feel him wrapping his arms around my legs and shoulders. He then proceeds to carry me bridal style out of the car and into the house. Normally I'd feel stupid, but right now I just nuzzle my face into his neck and close my eyes, inhaling his scent. I drift off into a sort of half sleep until I feel the sensation of being laid on a soft bed.

Kellin and Dr. Perry murmur to each other, things I can't make out.

I'm still feeling nauseous, and it feels like I have a fever. After a little, right before I'm about to drift off, Kellin crawls into the bed next to me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close, burying his face in my neck.

I smile a little as he presses a few kisses there, his breath tickling my skin. No matter what Kellin did to me, I'll always love him more than anything.

"I'm never letting you go ever again," Kellin whispers into my ear. "And I'm begging you, Vic, please. Please don't ever leave me."

I hear the heartbreak in his voice. I immediately feel guilty.

So selfish, that little voice in my mind says. How could he ever love someone as selfish as you?

"I'm sorry, Kells," I whisper back. "I know this isn't want you want to hear, but I can't promise you that. You know just as well as I do that I didn't have just one reason. I don't know what'll happen, but I can promise that I'll try."