Boy By The Sea • taekook

Four

Another month finally passes. On the day of Taehyung's check-out, the nurses and doctors throw him a little celebration, with colorful balloons and homemade cupcakes for all the clients to share. As Taehyung licks the purple icing off his cupcake and chats with the nurses animatedly, he sees the familiar silhouette by the main entrance and smiles. There's not much luggage besides the guitar, just a few t-shirts and toiletries fitting neatly in the small tote bag someone left behind at the center. As Jeongguk works on the paperwork at the front desk, Taehyung goes outside to wait.

It's cold, the landscape filled with bare branches and desolate hills. The wind cuts through the opening of his worn out denim jacket, but somehow, it feels liberating. And scary.

Freedom.

He's been medically cleared of all the addictions for now, and even though he still can't walk for very long, strength is seeping back into his limbs. And it's comforting to shut off some of the obsessive dialogues looping in his head. The occasional tranquility is both exhilarating and scary.

What to do when you have nothing left to hide behind, to blame all your flaws and weakness upon? What to do when all you have left is yourself.

He walks towards Jeongguk's pearl white Range Rover, leaning against its side to shield from the wind.

It should feel so natural by now, being alone, he's never lived any other way, really. But sometimes, inexplicably, it's still the hardest thing to do. The fear and self loathing plague him in the quiet hours, worse than any punch he's ever received.

His breath turns ragged, as white blotches swim in his vision. Deep breath, deep breath. Taehyung closes his eyes and resists the fear surging in his heart. The past, like a monster lurking in the shadows, threatens to take over at any moment.

"Ready?" The voice from behind startles him. He turns around and sees Jeongguk walking towards him.

Taehyung's voice comes out a bit shaky, "Where to?"

Jeongguk looks at him thoughtfully, "Back to the city I suppose, or is there somewhere else you prefer to go?"

"The city sounds good, I called a friend a few days ago, could probably crash there." He responds hesitantly, squeezing his hands together and twisting them uncomfortably. Except that friend is a dealer that never called back and will probably ask for something in return for his stay, but Taehyung pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind. He adds, "And if that doesn't work out, I'll find something. Bet you can't wait to get rid of me." He flashes a careless grin.

Jeongguk opens the car door for him without another word.

From the rear view mirror, Taehyung watches as the tiled roof of the rehab centre slowly recedes and disappears. He tries to not think about the city, but panic is setting in, making his hands clammy and body shiver. Fumbling through the tote bag, he finds the small white bottle of benzodiazepines pills. As he gulps one down, a hand touches his arm lightly from the driver's seat, "Doing ok?"

Taehyung looks up and shifts his legs, "Yeah, of course. Good thing we're leaving, couldn't stand that stupid place." The lies tumbles out somewhat convincingly, but the words trail off. His mind spins weakly, trying in vain to remember how many pills he's popped since waking up.

Taehyung thumbs at the the handle of the tote bag, and feels Jeongguk's hand retracting from his arm.

They sit in silence, as the car passes by barren farm hills and patches of birch forests. Jungkook turns on the radio and switches through the channels, finally stopping at a melancholic jazz tune that slows down the ticking time. Melodic piano notes, a nostalgic female voice, and some soulful trumpet that make Taehyung's ears perk up.

"Chet Baker." Jeongguk mumbles seemingly to himself, eyes staying on the road.

Taehyung wants to say something insolent but swallows the thought. Something about the music, easing the anxiousness within, shrouding the wintery landscape in magic. The trumpet and vocal weave in and out of each other, like an intricate dance that zigzags in mysterious ways.

Weariness gradually takes over. His eyelids are drooping, the music sliding into his subliminal mind as he curls up into the seat. Maybe the pills are finally working, Taehyung muses and slips into sleep.

When his eyes snap open again, the car is crawling slowly through a long tunnel, the glaring florescent light making him squint. Back in Manhattan, he sighs. There's a wool coat on him, keeping him warm. It's thick and comforting in its weight, the lining silky against Taehyung's skin. He should probably sit up, give the coat back and pick a random corner to get ditched at. But instead, Taehyung chooses to cling onto the coat and soak in the faint cedar scent, waiting, for Jungkook to eventually pipe up. Denial, something he's perfected over the years. Taehyung works on steadying his breath and hiding the anxiety bubbling up again on the inside.

They meander through the streets of midtown Manhattan. There's snow again in the city, muddled on the street by tire tracks and footprints. Taehyung feels his heart in his throat as they finally stop in front of a brownstone house on a tree-lined street.

The silence is stifling. Jeongguk hesitates but finally speaks, not looking at Taehyung, "There's a guest room in the basement with a separate entrance, it's pretty basic but Jimin can get you some necessities if you ask him..."

Taehyung raises an eyebrow and interrupts, "Wait - is this... your house? You want me to live here?"

Jeongguk answers, voice strained and a little nervous, "Look, honestly, I'm not sure what to do either. Don't want to kick you to the curb while you're still recovering. You can either stay here or I drop you off somewhere else, whatever you want."

Another pause. Taehyung finally pipes up, head tilted, eyes probing, "Let me get this straight, you want me to stay - here? But what do you want in return, what you get out of this, old man?"

Jeongguk turns in his seat to look directly at him, brows knitted, "Honestly, I don't how to convince you, that I'm not asking anything from you. A place to stay, for a week or whatever, until you get back on your feet. It's probably much safer than any other option you pretend to have. I suggest you take it."

Jeongguk's words are resolute. As if making up his mind, he presses his lips tightly and adds, "If it makes you feel better, we don't ever have to see each other again. The basement suite has its own entrance, and Jimin'll help you settle in. You can give him the key whenever you leave."

Taehyung is silent. The creased lines on Jeongguk's forehead irritate him. But he remains tongue-tied, blinking his eyes and looking away to rid of the sense of aggravation.

Don't fucking ruin it, it's a place to stay. And what can he possibly ask that you haven't done before. Just another stranger, no more.

When Taehyung finally responds, his voice is abrasive, and the smile on his face stiff and broken, "As you wish. I'll be out of your way in no time."