Boy By The Sea • taekook

Twenty Three

Yoongi sits on the patio and takes another puff of the cigarette dangling between his fingers. The sky is pitch black, muddled and not a star in sight. He pauses and contemplates, before finally reaching for his phone.

The ringing claws at his heart, making him frown. He's just about to hang up when the call is picked up. The familiar voice on the other end makes him breath out of relief.

"Hey."

"Sorry, it's late." Yoongi responds.

"It's ok, always good to hear from you." The voice is laced with sleep but puts his mind at ease. He sinks into the patio chair, shoulders slouching.

Yoongi sucks onto the cigarette hard, willing the smoke to permeate his lungs and the chemicals to spread through his body one cell at a time.

"Everything ok?" There are ruffling sounds over the phone.

Yoongi pictures Namjoon pushing himself up to glance at clock by his bed, and a tiny grin blooms, "yeah."

"Is it work?"

"I wish." Yoongi scoffs.

Namjoon hums, giving him time.

"Guk is staying for the night."

"Oh."

Yoongi stares into the sky absently, "we argued, he's off to bed now. Sometimes I think I'm going about this all wrong."

"What do you mean?" In the silence of the night, Namjoon's voice is lazy but calming, putting him into a trance.

"He's been so distracted recently, so out of it. I don't know." He pauses, then mumbles, seemingly to himself, "always trying to do the right thing, never wanting to disappoint anyone."

"Yeah, I remember even as a kid, he was always so careful, constantly watching out for what ticked the adults off."

Yoongi sighs, "too good at putting up a perfect front, but nobody's perfect, everyone breaks down eventually."

"Hmm." Namjoon grows quiet on the other end, before piping up again, "I thought he was in love, happy. And work is work, you guys will figure it out, right?"

"Right."

Yoongi watches as the tip of the cigarette burns in the dark. "And yes, he is in love, it's so obvious to everyone but himself."

A long pause.

Finally Namjoon speaks, voice warm and reassuring, "we can talk to him together next time you're in town. Wish you're here right now."

His words brings a smile to Yoongi's lips. He closes his eyes and soaks in the voice, "be back there soon enough. Beside, it's not like we do much in that bed of yours." A scoff, this time self deprecating.

"You know I'm happy as long as you're around, I'll be fine."

Yoongi snubs out the cigarette and exhales slowly. In all the years they've been together, Namjoon has never once pushed him, always respecting his space, giving him time to ease into things. His heart is filled with fondness at the thought.

Love takes roots when you are no longer afraid to show your flawed self, when you take the leap and have faith that the other person will never let you fall, no matter how undeserving you think you are of him.

"Why do you think you're going about it wrong anyways?" Namjoon's voice brings him back from his meandering thoughts.

Yoongi pauses, mind drifting, before finally responding, "I feel like he is done with all this crap. For a while there, it was so nice to chase after the dream together, success, proving ourselves to the world, you know, that whole thing. But it was never what he wanted, only took him all of his life to realize. And sometimes I feel like he's dragging on for my sake."

Namjoon is silent, and Yoongi can hear his shallow breaths faintly over the phone. He closes his eyes and imagines Namjoon in bed, eyes drooping and hand clutching onto the phone. Yoongi welcomes the calmness washing over him like curling waves in the dark ocean.

When Namjoon finally speaks, the words come out slowly, "does it bother you that Guk is changing? And maybe somewhere along the way, you two might end up in different directions?"

The words catch him off guard, and Yoongi's breath hitches. Eventually he responds, voice in a rasp, "I don't like it. Fuck, I hate the idea of him lost and alone. I mean, it's better if he sticks with us, no? This world, this life, however messed up it is, is all we've known."

Namjoon hums, and comments flatly, "well. That's the whole point of change though, to step into the unknown, that leap of faith. And people change not out of comfort, they are forced to do it, because there's no other way. They are at the brink."

He's silent for a moment, and Yoongi grasps onto the phone, frustrated yet suddenly inexplicably speechless. He hears Namjoon sigh quietly, and continues, "Yoon, if you love him, you have to trust him. No matter the cost of his decision, he deserves some support."

Yoongi wants to say no, that it feels like giving up on the only brother he's ever had, that he can talk some sense into Jeongguk. Whatever is bothering him, they will find a way to deal with it, together, just like when they were young.

But his throat dries and there's a heaviness in his chest. The truth in Namjoon's words is undeniable, impossible to refute.

The sudden taste of defeat is bitter in his mouth, but there's something more, something weary and lonely. Yoongi sits as silence fill the endless space between the two of them.

Finally Namjoon pipes again, "it's ok, I'm still here, always here with you. In time, things will work out. He will always care about you, that will never change."

"I hope you're right." Yoongi purses his lips before answering, and stands up to gaze into the sky.

He thinks of the twinkling stars hidden beyond the muddled clouds. Soon, the first rays of the dawn will pierce through the darkness, and it will be a new day.