Broken and shattered

Painful?

I wasn't dead just yet, much to the disappointment of Serena and her little gang. I woke up in my chambers with the royal family surrounding me. I tried to get up and ask them what they were doing here.
"You still need to heal." The queen stopped me. I'd never seen this side of the royals before, ever.
"We'd just wanted to thank you for saving our son." The king cut in. I turned to Nathaniel, he smiled and took my hand in his.
"Thanks."
They gave me a whole speech in valor and honor and all that hogwash. After the speech the king and queen left my chambers but Nathaniel stayed.
"You still owe me an explanation." I pointed out. He shook his head humorously.
" I'll explain when your all recovered." He promised. He kissed me on the forehead and left.
Everyday I began to recover, little by little I was going back to my old self. No thanks to Serena and her gang. They visited me once and they tried to attack me, while I was injured! Did they hate me that much? Serena's twin, maya, just stood on the sidelines, looking at me sheepishly. We were old friends. Maya had always hated that Serena was such a brat, and her seducing lessons, she was the good Drasgon. Just then the queen burst in and found them trying to stake me, she had guards carry them away, and they never came back. I explained that Maya never did anything, and the queen let her off.
"How am I even related to Serena!" Maya fumed one day when visiting me.
"Hey." I said trying to cheer her up. "At least you two aren't one of those twins who are literally stuck together." Maya laughed. "That really would be hell."
It took a few weeks, but I finally recovered and I felt better than ever. As soon as I recovered I grabbed my stake and started practicing my thrusts. Back and forth, my footwork was a little rusty, but I could get it back in shape in no time. I heard a knock on my door when I finished. I went to answer it and as soon as I opened the door, I saw Nathaniel standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing here?"
"I believe I owe you an explanation." He said as he walked in, sitting on the bed, beckoning me to him. I sat down on the bed-space beside him.
"So?" I expected answers. He hesitated before he said the words.
"Look Raven, that night you were drunk and unclear..." that told me everything I needed to know. I fought back the tears that wanted to spill so badly." I get it." He looked at me, a questioning gaze. I continued, let's get this over with.
"You were just being kind to a drunk girl." I shook my head. How could I have been so stupid? "In truth, I mean nothing." I nearly choked on the words. "Nothing at-" he cut me off, cupping my face in his hands. His lips in perfect harmony with mine. A long lingering kiss , i wanted it to last forever.
" you didn't have to do that." I said quietly after we broke away.
Nathaniel shook his head in amusement and smiled. "But I wanted to." I looked at him in disbelief, he wanted to kiss all the girls like that. Making them yearn for him even more. I turned away, no. He didn't want me, a ShadowBlade, enemy of his family.
"Look at me Raven." He put his hand on my shoulder, his touch soft and kind. I slowly turned towards him.
"I love you." He said emphasizing on the "you."the words that made my heart flutter like never before. But my fathers cautious ones echoed in my head. I couldn't do that to him, I couldn't ask him to love Nathaniel as his own. It would bring back all to much painful memories of my mother, it would literally kill him. I smiled at him sadly and stood up, I couldn't believe what I was about to say, but it had to be said.
"I can't." It took him by surprise as much as it did me, I fought my tears. It was painful, truly. "I don't feel that way for you Nathaniel."
Pain and disappointment swept over him, I could see his hurt expression. "I...I understand." I nodded sadly and showed him out.
After no one was in sight I closed the door. I leaned against it and slid down, tears streaming down my face. It hurt like hell. To know that I couldn't have him, but every bone in my undead, cursed immortal body wanted him. I punched my leg, hard. Was this what love felt like? Painful?