Warmth

Chapter Two

CW: self-harm, suicide.
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1 September 2012. Just a few days later. It's back to hide-but-don't-seek. How is it even possible to love someone as much as L and Light loved each other, but still both act as if the other is nonexistent? It wasn't easy; both men could tell you that.

Why is it so hard to just have Light all to myself? L thought as he watched Light with Misa. Does he even love me? Sometimes, it seems like he does. Times like this, though, when he's with Misa... He seems so devoted to her. I'm probably nothing more than a game he's playing just for fun...

***

Do I have to be here? Light thought as he listened to Misa babbling on about who-knows-what. Do I really have to be with her? I don't love her. I think I love L. It's so hard to prove something like that to someone like him, though. He probably wouldn't care anyway... Everything that seems to happen is probably heat-of-the-moment nothing to him...

"Light? Are you okay?" Misa asked, looking concerned.

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine. Just tired."

Light was tired in more than just the sense of sleeplessness. He had been for so long. Thinking of how bad it was made him tug his sleeves down subconsciously. He didn't want anyone to see; didn't want them to know. He couldn't let them know.

"Do you want to go back home? Maybe you should get some rest."

"Yeah; I think I should. Would you mind letting me go on my own?"

"Oh, that's fine. I'll see you later, Light!" Misa said with a giggle. Light walked down a crowded street, feeling alone but for his thoughts.

What do I do now? Where am I supposed to go from here? His mind answered him with the darkness that had haunted him for years. The bridge! it called. Go to the bridge!

Jump?

Yes! Jump, Light! They won't miss you; they won't care! They never cared before! Why would they?

What about L?

If he cared, he would have done something by now! He acts like you don't even exist. He doesn't care, Light. None of them do. They all think it would be better if you were dead. They have all the reason to, don't they?

You're right, Light thought as he headed for the bridge.

***

L felt it immediately. A pain in his heart that was so sharp, it made him gasp, clutching at his shirt.

"Ryuzaki!" Mr Yagami exclaimed. "Are you all right?!"

"I'm fine; I'm fine," he assured the man quickly. "I need to go somewhere. Now. Mr Yagami, you're to be in charge while I'm gone."

"Should I get the car?" Watari asked.

"No. You're to stay here with everyone else. This is something I must do alone." And with that, L was gone.

***

This is it, Light thought. It's time. He swung his legs over the railing of the bridge and stood on the ledge there. He looked out over the water. Can I really do it?

"Light!" a voice called behind him. There was so much worry in that sweet voice. Light turned to see L running towards him, face showing the worry like an opened large-print book.

"L?!"

"Get down from there! Now!"

"Why?" Light asked in a deadpan voice. "What's the point? No one needs me here. No one wants me here. No one would care if I succeeded this time."

"I would care! I do care! I need you. I want you. I love you, Light Yagami! How many times do I have to tell you for you to get it? You're all I want, so much it's hurting. You're all I want, all I need, all I am. I love you. I'll say it all day, every day if you need me to. I love you; I love you; I love you. I love you!"

And with that, L grabbed Light by his shirt, pulling him close and kissing him hard. As Light returned the kiss, he felt the memories of That Night returning. He could remember it all in perfect detail...